cold coffee thinking

i'm moving my blog!

2011-05-20T10:30:00.003-04:00

here's where i'll be setting up camp from now on:

http://coldcoffeethinking.wordpress.com/

Get a different ruler.

2011-05-09T11:35:00.000-04:00

How do you measure success?

In order to measure anything you've got to have a ruler, a yardstick, a measuring cup, or some form of tool designed to represent a standard and then evaluate and compare. So, for the sake of this analogy, let's just stick with a ruler. Where do we get that ruler? Well, you just go down to the store and buy one, right? It's the supply & demand principle, and our culture has obsessively demanded success to gratify our prideful hearts. So, naturally, there has been an endless and evolving supply of rulers to measure and evaluate what success looks like in our world today. It may be which celebrity you look like, or the speed of your car, or the brand on your clothes, or the image conveyed by your Facebook profile picture, or the friends you associate with, or the title you hold at work. We assign meaning to these descriptions of us, and we're constantly glancing back and forth between ourselves and the image our world esteems as successful. And our culture becomes the ruler, and it rules over us. The more often we measure the more quickly we become possessed by the pursuit of success, significance and gratification. Or, to put it more bluntly, we become obsessed with ourselves. Unfortunately, we have a tendancy to buy what we're being sold, and we as Christians are not always discerning. We too often wish to flirt and learn from society, and we become deceived and conformed to their image. Our culture is constantly putting out a new line of rulers that often look and sound downright biblical. There's where it becomes dangerous, even deadly.

We often measure success as Christians or as a church with the same ruler(s) our culture is using.

It may be an ignorant mistake, and most often we mean well and even think it's honoring to God. We hear spiritual leaders urging us on to "tackle great obstacles", "go get our world for God", "dream big dreams", "cast a bigger vision", and so on and so forth. It sounds inspiring, it sounds positive, and it sounds exactly like the faith we're told we're supposed to have. Shouldn't we go all in and do great things for God? Shouldn't we pray that God raises up a generation of devoted followers that will rock the world with the gospel? The leaders championing that cause wield a strong influence on Christianity in America (especially among young people). But what if some of these leaders unknowingly ripped a page out of the latest corporate leadership magazines because someone they trusted had substituted it for the Word of God?

I'm a part of this generation that grew up dreaming about accomplishing awesome things for the Lord. And I've also snubbed my nose at the "dead" spirituality of my parents' generation. What made their spirituality "dead"? Well, it just wasn't successful! I mean, look at the numbers, they don't lie! Look at all the pastors who were simply content to stay at that little podunk church going nowhere. They're not attracting new people, they're outreach events are lame, and their current attempts at becoming more contemporary are embarrassing. No, I want to be a part of a great work of God! I want to be a part of church where the masses are swarming in and being touched with our message. I want to be able to brag...er, I mean share...well, no...I guess I do want to be able to brag about what God is doing in and through me and my church. I want to know that God is using me mightily and that we are successful!

But what if God doesn't use me like that?

What if I'm a part of a church that's not bringing them in by the hundreds and rocking the house and seeing dozens come to Christ each week? What if my week is spent mowing an old lady's yard, and that lady is certainly not going to be someone influential in the community? What if our church's worship service is attended by the same few each week? What if our old-school door-to-door methods of outreach don't turn out any converts or baptisms? What if we keep spinning our wheels and end up stuck in the same place as a church for the next 20 years without seeing any noticeable growth other than a few of the kids growing up to replace the elderly?

Will I be OK with that?

Well, I guess I'd better stop asking my culture, because I know what answer they'd give me. But what would God say? That's probably the better question we should have started with from the beginning:

How does God measure success?

It seems to come down to a simple characteristic He's looking for: FAITHFULNESS. Sure, I know He counted the servants' talents when He returned to see if they'd brought in an increase, but was it a certain number He was after? Or was He looking to see if they had been faithful? We are assured that true believers will produce fruit, but I'm afraid we may often project our own misconceptions about the nature of the fruit and judge an individual from the outside. Self-evaluation must boil down to that question: am I being faithful to God? And only the mirror of His Word will reflect an accurate answer.

Hey, if God allows you to be a part of a church that has the privilege and joy of being harvesters, then rejoice! Give the glory to the One who causes all things to grow. Stay faithful. And if God in His sovereign wisdom uses you for years to be a planter or one who waters but never sees much of the harvest, then rejoice! Give the glory to the One who causes all things to grow. Stay faithful.

I'm throwing out the ruler my culture sold me. It's not about me looking successful, that is simply the ugly outworking of my pride. I've got a different Ruler, and I'm asking Him for strength today to walk in His Spirit, that someday I might hear Him say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Are you prepared for Easter?

2011-03-22T22:26:00.000-04:00

We're about to be bombarded again with another commercialized holiday season. Easter is approaching, and the shopping centers promise not to disappoint. Already the other day I saw a big banner announcing a store's emphasis, "Bunnylicious" (sounded like a really cheesy Fergie knock-off on an already cheesy song). There's sure to be mounds of chocolate bunnies, gooey peeps, egg-coloring kits (everything from camouflage to tie dye to stickers), baskets and every kind of trinket they know we'll stuff in them. The disappointment is that it's all consumer driven. That means me. I buy this stuff. I add to the spring buzz that's no doubt meant to drown out the religious overtones of Easter. What's crazy is that it doesn't just stop with Target or Wal-Mart. I'm sure Christian bookstores make a killing during this season.

But just hold on...

I'm not saying that any of this is inherently wrong (other than the Fergie reference). It's difficult to make a legitimate argument that the Easter bunny is the spawn of Satan, and it's perfectly fine for you to build your child an Easter basket and hunt for eggs. And who's not looking forward to ripping into a pack of peeps?!

All this commercialized hype can be a lot of fun and add positive memories to an already celebratory season with friends and family. So color your eggs, down some chocolate, take family pictures in your dresses and ties...but sanctify the real reason for celebration. Set it apart. Don't cheapen the cross and the empty tomb by mixing it in with superfluous holiday consumption.

I know you've heard this kind of message a thousand times before (at least every time Christmas & Easter come rolling around again), but let's talk some strategy here. Go ahead, huddle up! Lean in and listen up! I realize that as Christians we should be celebrating the Resurrection every Sunday, but do you recognize the opportunities this holiday season can provide for us? At some point this Easter season, the people in our communities are going to hear or see some reference to Jesus. Religious people, religious sub-cultures and churches thrive on the exposure they receive around this holiday, and our culture may be more sensitive, more inquisitive or at least more aware of what happens in churches and what's being taught.

But the question is, Will they hear the gospel?

So here's where I have to ask you, Are you prepared for Easter? Are you prepared to take advantage of opportunities that may come up in casual conversation that would allow you to speak the truth about our Creator and Redeemer? (1 Peter 3:15)

Here's a hint: if you know and delight in Christ then you can confidently answer, Yes! Easter Sunday is not the reason we celebrate. We celebrate because we know Jesus. Our joy is in Him alone. We can marvel in the truth that Jesus + nothing = everything. Jesus knew how bad our condition was, and He fixed it with a bloody cross and a resurrected body. We are free from sin and alive to God. We have a personal relationship with the Almighty Creator...all because of Jesus! Praise God! Hallelujah, all I have is Christ!

And we think on these glorious truths everyday...not just once a year...but all the more when given an opportunity to share it with any who might pause to listen.

So instead of worrying about when you're going to color your eggs, what you're going to wear for Easter Sunday, or how many peeps you can cram into your mouth at the same time, let's prepare our hearts to worship Christ and share His name with others. Write the name of an unsaved friend, family member or coworker down on a sheet of paper and ask God to give you boldness for sharing the gospel with them in the next week (I didn't say invite them to our Easter service...although that's fine...). Tell them about Jesus! His name should flow out of the hearts and mouths of those who know and delight in Him.

shadows and dust

2011-02-28T10:28:00.001-05:00

Psalm 42:1, 2
"As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?"

God is my foundational need for all of life (both for my time here on earth and in all eternity), but do I live with this realization? Do I live like I need God? Or have I so confused my needs and desires that God just becomes another item to pack in my suitcase for the journey of life?

How easily I've become preoccupied with the delicacies this world tantalizingly offers me every waking hour! I have tasted of this world's food. For a moment it was sweet and filling, and then in a horrifying realization it turned to dust and made me sick. And like a deranged dog I've found myself returning to my vomit, hoping that this time I'll at last find satisfaction. And again I prove to myself that sin is insanity.

I don't think I'm alone in this struggle.

This world I'm passing through is the Shadowland, mere shadows of what is to come, and I am too easily seduced by its charms to recognize reality. I snatch at its offers in order to please myself and become pathetically inebriated by vanity.

To think of my earthly desires as needs will no doubt get me into trouble here in the Shadowlands because I forget to look up. The moment I believe that I have a need that can be fulfilled in anything but Christ I have given up my manhood. I've committed suicide, and I am reduced to self-inflicted emotional flagellation. The practical out-working of this poison is seen around every bend in my journey. It's in my need to be loved, to be right, to be first, to be noticed, to be entertained, to be the exception, to be excused, to be...well, to be worshiped. Any so-called "need" will torment my idolatrous heart. I have starved my belly and ripped out my chest, grasping at everything and eating nothing. It's not that I have eaten too little or too much, it is that I have eaten nothingness. I live as an animal and nothing more.

Unless I dine in the High Countries.

It is then the shadows taste sweet as they point me to the Bread of Life, and in Him I find satisfaction. I embody true manliness as I reflect the Imago Dei for I have realized who God has created me to be. I worship the LORD. I am satisfied in my Creator. I delight in Christ. My soul pants for God. My soul thirsts for the living God.

I am eager to accept His invitation:

"Come, everyone who thirsts,
come to the waters;
and he who has no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without price.
Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
and delight yourselves in rich food."
Isaiah 55:1, 2

the biggest year of our lives...and it's only july!

2010-07-11T15:59:00.000-04:00

jolie sat content riding along in her brand new wagon as mommy pulled her along the street of our new neighborhood, judah could barely keep his eyes open (very typical!) as i cradled him in my arms, and carissa summed up life at the present with this statement: "2010 has been the biggest year of my life so far."

and that about says it all.

this has truly been an eventful year! at the beginning of january our church moved into our new facility, and a few weeks later we lost our friend and pastor, kurt, very unexpectedly. then we thought we were leaving for north carolina in february (with no job in sight), but our worship pastor resigned and we made the decision to stay and help for a few more months during the search process. God then provided 2 jobs for us down in north carolina (leading worship at a small church and a shift supervisor position at starbucks). then judah was born on june 4, and june 27 we said goodbye to our church family at rock point.

now we're embracing the adventure and this new chapter in our lives. we left our little house on lincoln street in crawfordsville, indiana on june 30 driving the minivan as papa drove the rental truck filled with all our stuff. and we arrived in wake forest, north carolina on july 1 to a welcoming group of friends from our new church ready to help us unpack the truck and provide us with a meal for the night (southern fried chicken...what a blessing!) we enjoyed time with papa and dad sargent, and no sooner had they left then my parents arrived for a few days. so we've had lots of help unpacking and setting up the new house (which carissa has already made feel like home)...and jolie's enjoyed all the attention from grandparents! meanwhile, i started training at starbucks (which is a blast, but has felt a little like drinking from a fire hose), and this morning i led worship for the first time officially at our new church, union view baptist. and in just a few weeks i'll begin my first classes in seminary. whew...

what a blast!

following God's lead is so exciting. ...crazy...but exciting!

and now i sit on a sunday afternoon and count all my amazing blessings...who are all sleeping soundly. thank you, Jehovah-Jireh!

my little lion

2010-06-14T10:55:00.001-04:00

ashamed it's taken me this long to post this exciting news, but i used all of last week to celebrate in relaxation (as much as possible)...but Judah is here!!! he checked in right according to schedule on june 4 @ 2:00pm and weighed in @ 7lbs 8oz (and 20 and 1/2 inches long). we went in for a scheduled c-section that friday which was sooo much easier (like it was really all that difficult for me!) than 26 hours of labor only to end up having a c-section (our experience with Jolie). so the scheduled surgery was a nice, semi-relaxing change of pace...but i was still so pumped with adrenaline i probably brought comic relief to all the doctors and nurses around as i frantically paced back and forth waiting to be admitted to the operating room. and in a matter of minutes upon arriving at the side of my heavily drugged wife...we heard his little cry. well...it was more a scream...like a high-pitched screaming monkey...but it was wonderful! and what a little miracle he is, and a huge answer to prayer!
he is a stud! and he completely shocked us with his hair...a full head of dark brown hair...enough for a legit faux hawk (which he sported on his way home from the hospital!). he's even got sideburns...trying to be like his daddy! so much fun to hold him...he's so chill...just relaxed and peaceful...he's just awesome! praise God!
just rereading this post makes me laugh...there's so much to say...but not the words to say it...

daddy's praising the LORD for you, Judah my scepter (Psalm 60:7)...my little lion! i'm praying you become a mighty lion for the glory of God!

human doings or human beings?

2010-06-14T10:00:00.003-04:00

this is a well-spoken and thoughtful reminder for those on the journey to become like Christ:

the pressure to accomplish snuffs out the pleasure of being God's child.

rejoicing in God's provision!

2010-06-02T08:48:00.000-04:00

it's time to just thank Jehovah-Jireh for how He has faithfully provided for us. i went down on the weekend of may 23 to wake forest, north carolina to scope out the area in preparation of our big move. well, really i went down to candidate at a small church in franklinton (just a few miles north of wake forest) for a worship pastor position. but i also took advantage of the opportunity to see the campus of southeastern baptist theological seminary and our little duplex that we'll call home for the next short season of life. and on top of that i also spent a few hours applying for jobs around the area.

to sum up the weekend...the church was amazing! i loved the people, really enjoyed leading worship, felt like i got fed from God's Word, bonded with the pastors, and sensed God's leading the whole time. i think it will be a great fit...a place where we can immediately plug in and start serving! so we're excited about that opportunity!!

and then a HUGE added blessing were my interviews with starbucks. i walked in on friday (fresh off the plane) just to see if i could talk to the manager. we talked for just a couple minutes and she asked if i had applied for the shift manager position and how much customer experience i had. well, i had to be honest that i had none (and so no, i did not apply for the shift manager position assuming that i would need the entry level position to get my feet wet), but i told her what i do as a pastor and how some of that could be transferrable. so she called up another store manager and set up interviews for sat. and sun., telling me that by just talking to me she wanted to see if i would be a good fit for the shift manager position! needless to say, on tuesday (back in indiana) i got the call from mitch (the other store manager) offering me the job!

i can't tell you how awesome that is....we've been praying for months and months for God's direction and provision...and in one weekend He took care of it all. He is absolutely incredible!!

and now...the week we've been waiting for has arrived...

mom s. is here, our room is ready, carlee is coming tomorrow...and judah is due friday!!! God is good...

book #9: the tombs of anak

2010-06-02T08:30:00.000-04:00

this is just a little blast from the past, and i'm only slightly embarrassed to be including this book on my list...about as embarrassed as i was to read a children's book on a plane from north carolina. but i couldn't help myself...i loved this book as a kid. it's one of the few books that i vividly remember my dad reading to me before bed, and i remember the thrill of emotions it evoked as we sat in the dim light and entered into a world that (for a kid) was pretty scary. so thank you, Frank Peretti...again! it wasn't quite the same or terrifying reading it the second time (now that my taste buds have grown up...and having delved into the mind of ted dekker), but i have to admit it was thoroughly enjoyable!

think indiana jones who still goes to sunday school (...i'm proud of you if you picked up on the movie line reference)! The Cooper Kids Adventure Series recounts the exploits of jay and lila cooper who tag along with their archeologist dad, dr. jake cooper, and The Tombs of Anak was certainly the most thrilling of the original 4 volumes included in this series. dr. cooper is the equivalent of the spiritually steady, almost grandfatherly mr. whittaker (adventures in odyssey...another blast from the past) who lives on the edge and fears no evil...not even ancient tombs or the eerie songs that emanate from the surrounding darkness. he's the well-studied, quick-thinking, wise and experienced seeker of knowledge who's ready to spring into action the moment danger threatens to strike (especially his kids). so throw in the Biblically inspired ancient ruins of Gath, the mystery surrounding the tombs, the strange local hill-dwellers, and the disappearance of a crew member and you've got a fascinating thrill ride for kids (...ok, ok...and for me).

peretti tries to base this mystery around another mystery that's briefly detailed in the early books of the Bible: the descendants of anak. while i'm sure there are great liberties taken with his interpretation (and never wanting to be the plot spoiler to a good thriller), i enjoyed the ties into some of the strange genealogical records of the Bible. and the message of the the tombs of anak is really a strong warning against greed and the love of power...enough to scare the desire right out of ya! and the more i read, the more i would caution parents. peretti has no problem writing thrillers with a touch of horror, and death is dealt with right out in the open. so you may want to preview this one to make sure your little one's ready to handle the suspense and the issues that may arise.

but it was fun to take a stroll down memory lane...and only a little tricky to hide the "kids series" label from the other passengers on the plane.

book #8: the screwtape letters

2010-05-26T15:28:00.000-04:00

C.S. Lewis is simply too fascinating and fun to ignore. i hardly qualify as an expert on the great author and apologist, but i have been delighted for years by his beautiful way of capturing deep thought in simple words and pictures. he eloquently and masterfully places complex philosophical ideas on the bottom shelf where they are attainable, practical and easily transferable to everyday conversation without laboring the mind to the point of boredom. and it's often his starting point that sets him apart from other theologians.

like asking the question, i wonder what the demons talk about amongst themselves?

so instead of a rigorous and academic work on spiritual warfare The Screwtape Letters offers a refreshing, observant, and at times, eerie look into the mystery of the supernatural world. it's a unique and unspoken plot that you follow as one demon (screwtape) writes letters to his nephew demon (wormwood) who's out on assignment and seems to need advice (whether wormwood would ever admit it or not)...a fascinating concept. but i'd have to agree with lewis that it's probably a good thing the book didn't go on any longer than it did. it was startlingly insightful but began to feel oppressive as i (unfortunately all-too-easily) twisted my brain to think like the enemy. here's how lewis described writing this work:

"though i had never written anything more easily, i never wrote with less enjoyment. the ease came, no doubt, from the fact that the device of diabolical letters, once you have thought of it, exploits itself spontaneously...though it was easy to twist one's mind into the diabolical attitude, it was not fun, or not for long. the strain produced a sort of spiritual cramp. the work into which i had to project myself while spoke through Screwtape was all dust, grit, thirst, and itch. every trace of beauty, freshness, and geniality had to be excluded. it almost smothered me before i was done. it would have smothered my readers if i had prolonged it."

there's also the caution to not place too much emphasis on the work of the devil. as in all disciplines, the process of learning from screwtape comes in the balance. don't neglect or underemphasize spiritual warfare, but do not swing to the opposite extreme and get carried away in demonic activity.

i would say the most enlightening aspect of this work was the frightening reminder of the subtle attack of the enemy. "indeed the safest road to hell is the gradual one--the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts..." and it has taught me to be all the more vigilant in renewing my mind in His Word (Eph. 4:22-24) and daily putting on the armor of God (Eph. 6:10-18) so that i can stand against the schemes of the devil.

the enemy is cunning. but my God is greater! and "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence" (2 Pet. 1:3).

The Contemporvant Service - What Can We Learn?

2010-05-19T10:00:00.000-04:00

The Contemporvant Service - What Can We Learn?

definitely worth checking out...for a good chuckle and heart check!

a cigarette butt's a sweet sight!

2010-05-13T11:28:00.000-04:00

no, i'm serious, it is!

walking out the doors of our church, i looked and saw a cigarette butt. and it made me smile. an assessment of the evidence seems to point to our celebrate recovery ministry that meets on tuesday nights, a ministry that incorporates scheduled "smoke breaks" as i understand it.

and i love it.

it means people are coming to lay their lives out for our church to see. it means they're coming to hear the Truth. it means their coming to Jesus. and it means that He is working!

in fact, this sunday we're going to hear a testimony from a brother who's just become a believer...has kept his life clean from drugs for a couple months, heard the gospel through the CR ministry, trusted in Christ, invited everyone he could to come witness his baptism (in the creek in the pouring rain), has voraciously pursued getting involved at church, wants to grow, and is an incurably contagious follower of Christ! love it! (just heard this morning that his mom trusted in Christ for salvation last night!!)

so i hope we see many more cigarette butt's in front of our doors.

in fact, i'm gonna pray for it. i don't want to butt against what God's doing! Lord Jesus, keep drawing people to Yourself!

books #6 & 7: "the lost city of z" and "sherlock holmes and the hound of the baskervilles"

2010-05-10T09:24:00.000-04:00

so, by the insistance of my wife i'm going to include The Lost City of Z in my list of 100 books by 2020...already reviewed it here. i guess it's worth including...this reading list will most likely include a eclectic plethora of topics and genres....so why not! now on to the next...

Sherlock Holmes and the Hound of the Baskervilles was an instant favorite of mine as a child...well, at least the illustrated classics for kids version was!

ah...the illustrated classics for kids! i'm indebted to whoever decided to make all these classics available to young readers, because i believe they were instrumental in developing my love for reading as well as giving me a broad layout of the land of classical literature (to which i'll also credit the old PBS show: wishbone!) i remember first reading this particular book on family vacation, nestled into my captains seat in the back of our minivan. it was my first encounter with sherlock, a hero who has evidently never lost his intrigue in my mind.

i'll admit that i most likely felt inspired to revisit this old story after watching the recent hollywood adaption of sherlock, but, although i still thoroughly enjoyed the movie, i had to admit they've strayed pretty far from sir conan doyle's actual character. baskervilles reveals the little nuances that makes sherlock one of the most beloved heroes in classic literature, but it also focuses a great deal on his counterpart, dr. watson. there is a large section of the book where the reader is to believe that sherlock is completely absent and therefore must depend on dr. watson's point of view and assessment of the facts and circumstances.

it was interesting to me to see how the solving of the mystery removed all semblance of the supernatural. what made this particular mystery so intriguing at the start (the supposed presence of a supernatural hound) was tidily resolved by the collection of facts that could easily be explained scientifically (this twist was also present in the latest movie). i can't help but assume that this was rooted in modern thinking (that everything could be explained by scientific fact using the scientific method), which played a huge role in liberal theology (the dismissal of the supernatural...and particularly the resurrection...because of the insistence that the scientific method was capable of explaining all life and phenomena). so i enjoyed the mystery and the resolution, but couldn't help feeling that it was meant to numb my belief in the existence of miracles and the supernatural.

then again...in reading The Lost City of Z, david grann linked col. percy fawcett to sir arthur conan doyle, and even suggested that conan doyle, along with fawcett, delved into the occult. i have not studied the life of sir arthur conan doyle, but it would be interesting to see if he was truly inundated by modern thought or if he had an unusual fascination with the supernatural.

at any rate, if you're looking for a classic mystery thriller...look no further! head over to your local library and pick up your copy of The Hound of the Baskervilles, and maybe you too will find a new hero!

"deekoo deesus"

2010-05-04T12:23:00.000-04:00

i was filled with joy last night as we were preparing to put jolie to bed. we've been trying to stay disciplined in reading from her Bible before all the other rituals that go into the nightly routine, and the time that we spend looking through the beginner's Bible from zondervan has been a huge blessing to me. we have many picture Bibles to choose from, but this one has become my favorite because of the huge emphasis on Jesus...lots of stories and parables that allow us to talk about Him over and over as we seek to impress on our little girl how much mommy & daddy love Jesus. i also really appreciate that this version does not shy away from the cross, but handles it tastefully and allows us the opportunity to begin teaching our soon-to-be 2 year old the gospel!
so last night, she immediately started saying "deesus", as she handed me her Bible and crawled up on the couch to listen intently. then we typically spend some time looking at pictures of pharaoh in the OT (due to her fascination with the song, "pharaoh, pharaoh...", to which she's also picking up the motions), and then we hit the NT and "deesus" is everywhere! almost immediately after the manger she started saying, "coss"...which thrilled my heart to see her remembering, getting caught up in the drama, and wanting to read the account of his death on the cross as we moved joyfully into the resurrection!
then for the first time last night...jolie prayed!
we always pray together as a family before meals and before bed, and we've asked her on multiple occasions if she would like to pray, but she's always refused and differed to mommy or daddy. but last night, after reading through the account of the Jesus' life and excitedly talking about Him, she willingly repeated a simple prayer.
"deekoo deesus"
(thank you Jesus)
that was it. she didn't even finish with "amen" (which she often injects in the middle of daddy's lengthier prayers). it was simple. and yes, we spoon fed her the phrase. but it was beautiful. and it filled my heart with joy!
Lord, instill a love for Christ in the heart of my little girl. Raise her up to know and love you, and use her for your glory!

my brain won't shut off

2010-04-28T15:48:00.000-04:00

so much going through my heart and mind today:
1. i need a heart that is passionate for the lost. i'm ashamed that i think of myself as so spiritually mature, and yet this simple, absolutely necessary characteristic is inexcusably missing from my life. Lord, give me a passion for the lost! Give me courage to intentionally be with those who don't know You, and share gospel!
2. i never want to get past the gospel. again, i'm ashamed that my prideful self-righteousness has regularly ignored facing and rejoicing in the profoundly simple truth that i am a sinner in need of a Savior and that Savior is Jesus. i know that i can never lose my salvation, and justification was an instantaneous, once-for-all moment...but i'm as much in need of God's grace today in my life as i was the moment i was saved.
3. i need to be assertive in finding an accountability bro in NC. he needs to know where i've been, where i need to be, where i don't need to be, and where i am. i need him.
4. we're praying that God would give us life-long friends to meet, grow with, and enjoy down in wake forest...friends that are passionately in love with Christ who will push us in our walk and encourage us in ministry
5. i'm praying for a job that i can enjoy that will allow me to enjoy time with my family
6. thinking about what the focus of my passion and ministry is...i believe i can sum it up like this: i want to teach guys God's Word.

i suppose being the verbal processor that i am i really need to sit down and talk to someone about all this stuff that's rumbling through my heart and mind. but i just wanted to get some of this down in writing for my own benefit later. and pray for my wife's patience as i process. Lord, thank you for a loving, respectful, understanding, and patient wife!

book #5: it

2010-04-28T15:10:00.000-04:00

i hate being that guy.

you know the guy i'm talking about? he's the one you're always warned about: don't be that guy! it usually hits you when you're listening to someone talk about him or write about him, saying things like, don't be the guy that does this or does that... and for me, i'm usually self-righteous enough to think, yeah, i can't believe that guy! i'm glad i'm not like him! he just doesn't get it. that guy's always messing it up! and often i'll even stoop to the pharisaical (albeit subconscious) prayer, Lord, thanks for helping me not be that guy! i don't ever want to be that guy!

well, i have a confession to make...the book it kicked my butt. and it kicked it over and over again. and i have another confession to make...i started this book with a very critical spirit. it sounded like another over-simplistic, theologically-watered-down, results-driven, hyped-up leadership formula guaranteed to bring success to those ministries willing to bow at the feet of the corporate model rather than the Word of God. i'm ashamed at my prideful, self-righteous heart.

now, back to my original confession. the more i read the more i couldn't escape it: i was that guy.

almost every chapter in part 2, "what contributes to it?", revealed my personal lack of it. the more i read the worse it got. it seemed like every few pages craig groeschel would give an example of that guy or ministry that didn't have it or had lost it...and it was like i was looking in a mirror.

if i'm willing to be honest i have to admit that i struggle to:
see it clearly
know where it is not
enjoy it with others
be courageous enough to do anything for it
fail towards it
want others to have it
and share it

and so what reads like a simple ministry leadership or Christian living book has profoundly impacted me personally. i hope. and i'm thankful for it. so i purpose to make it my prayer, as he suggests, for God to:
stretch me.
ruin me.
heal me.

and i highly recommend it.

book #4: disciplines of a godly man

2010-04-21T15:59:00.000-04:00

"it is an immutable fact that we will never get anywhere in life without discipline - especially in spiritual matters...none of us can claim an innate spiritual advantage. none of us are inherently righteous, none of us naturally seek God or are reflexively good. therefore, as children of grace, our spiritual discipline is everything

no discipline, no discipleship!
no sweat, no sainthood!
no perspiration, no inspiration!
no pain, no gain!
no manliness, no maturity!" (p.224)

this comprehensive look at spiritual disciplines is definitely a must read for any guy that's serious about being sold out for Christ! i will confess that it's taken me a while to finish the whole thing because i read a chapter a week (for the most part) for a weekly book study with some coaches at north montgomery high school...and i just today went back and finished the 4 chapters that i had missed. but i purpose to come back and revisit this book in the future, because it is packed full of in-your-face, Biblical insight into how to truly become a God-honoring man. i was first impressed by kent hughes' commentary on the book of ephesians, and this book has since sold me on his style of expositional teaching. although each chapter dealt with a specific topic of discipline, he would most often simply exegete a passage of Scripture or a narrative from the Bible to pull out the Biblical principles that informs men of how God wants us to live specific to each facet of discipline. each chapter carried a powerful message that was Biblically sound, insightful, practical, prophetic and urgent!

it covers the disciplines of: purity, marriage, fatherhood, friendship, mind, devotion, prayer, worship, integrity, tongue, work, church, leadership, giving, witness and ministry. and the resources at the end of the book also include helpful tools that aid in the practical outworking of many of these disciplines.

this book will remain a constant tool in my development as a man of God and my ministry to others in search of living disciplined, Christ-honoring lives! anyone needing and wanting help to become a man of God needs to read this book!

book #3: Thr3e

2010-04-21T10:06:00.000-04:00

ironic.

book #3 on my 100 books to read by 2020 list (not including The Lost City of Z which my wife seems to think belongs on the list) is entitled Thr3e by Ted Dekker.

now let me just say that i have to work hard NOT to rely on fiction for my reading diet. there's not often as much benefit in my mind as there is in engaging with authors thoughts unaided by story. story can be a powerful tool however, and some of my favorite books are fictional (Safely Home by Randy Alcorn and Narnia for example). i try my best to keep my reading list loaded with non-fictional works from authors that have proven to stimulate Christian thought and provide theological insight. with that said, i also enjoy a few novels and thrillers just to make sure reading stays fun for me, and there is always something to learn...

[let this serve as a potential spoiler alert]
dekker is an interesting author. this is only the second book i've read by him (the first being Skin), but both have been page-turners: fascinating stories with truly unforeseeable plot-twists that delve into mystery with a touch of horror...oh and he tries to make them theological. that's where i kind of balk at his writing. it is "christian". but i can't say i'm thrilled with the theology he propounds. Thr3e enters into the classic arena between good and evil, but it seems that dekker is ready to suggest a trichotomy where the real YOU is caught between the good YOU and the evil YOU almost as if the first YOU is an innocent bystander that simply has to make a choice between the other 2 (reminiscent of the depiction of a man with shoulder angels). in fact, no where in this story is there drawn the distinction between the sin nature and the NEW nature of Spirit-indwelled believers. it can be assumed from this book that ALL men are caught within this trichotomy he portrays through the main character. and then there is no mention of the power of Christ that enables believers (when they yield to the Holy Spirit) to have victory over sin and defeat our sin nature (through the put off/put principle according to Eph. 4:22-24)...so he misses an opportunity to remind believers of the true power that is available to us in conquering sin. i will say that he does a good job in some ways of portraying our propensity to sin and reminding us that all sin is just that: sin. there is no hierarchy of sin (although there may be more consequences for some sins than others).

ultimately i am left with a fascinating story that kept me on the edge of my seat, but it comes up short in truly edifying my heart and mind with the Truth from the Word of God.

the heavens declare the glory of God

2010-04-09T13:31:00.000-04:00

pure doxology is not only impacted by theology, it has no source but theology. and as i've been compiling a referenced summary outline for our systematic theology course we're developing at church, song has been welling up inside me ready to burst out spontaneously and praise the greatness of our God. of course, it takes communion with the LORD before that song takes flight. and it came this morning as simply and quietly as that old chorus,

i love You, Lord
and i lift my voice
to worship You,
O my soul, rejoice!
take joy, my King
in what You hear
may it be a sweet, sweet sound
in Your ear.

yet even in that moment of contemplative praise i am humbled by the reality of my distracted heart. oh, to fear the LORD and worship Him whole-heartedly, it is beyond my nature's ability. only by the power of His Spirit living in me can i sincerely cry, i love You, Lord!

been thinking also of the role creation plays in revealing the majesty of God. psalm 19:1-2 says, the heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims His handiwork. day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. to those of us who see God, we see and appreciate the beauty of His creation. but do we really appreciate science and the role that it plays in discovering the world around us which can aid our doxology? or is science the enemy of Truth?
unfortunately it seems that science has often been pitted against religion, often because religion has felt threatened (not by science's discoveries but by scientists' interpretations of those discoveries...it's important to distinguish between the arguments and the true source of the arguments). and even more unfortunately, religion at times historically has acted on that sense of threat with brutal retaliation. this is not general or universal as some would have us believe (*cough...dan brown...*cough), but their have been incidents that have developed this stereotype and led trigger-happy religious figures and scientists to furiously load their intellectual weapons and stand twitching at any sudden movement the other makes. as a result it is often the tactic of secular scientists to discredit faith as a crutch for those not willing to face facts, and for religious leaders to either water down doctrine to fit current trends in popular thinking or to dismiss scientific discoveries as malicious hoaxes from atheistic attackers of faith. (disclaimer: i am only making personal observations from the lay of the land as i see the battle rage between science and religion).
what saddens me though is why the Church is so hesitant to reconcile what we know to be general revelation (romans 1:19-20) with special revelation (2 tim. 3:16-17; deut. 29:29; john 1:14). it seems to me that many church leaders even in the evangelical (and by that i mean those who truly hold to sola Scriptura and sola fide) and conservative circles that i run in shy away from general revelation all together, almost as if we're afraid of what we'll find there. it seems there is a growing fear that if we truly peer into the natural world with the scientific method we (those of us who by faith believe in God and the authority of His Word) will not like what we see. when nothing could be further from the Truth!

the heavens declare the glory of God. it's as if we read that, but don't truly believe it. is it a true statement? a resounding and solidly reasonable, YES!!!

romans 1 makes it especially clear that "natural revelation yields a natural theology or a natural knowledge of God. God's wrath is present, not because men fail to receive his natural revelation, but because, after receiving this knowledge, mankind fails to act appropriately. they refuse to honor God or be grateful to him. they suppress the truth of God" (What is Reformed Theology, R.C. Sproul, p.15). romans 1:29 says that they literally "did not see fit to acknowledge God." it is a choice men make to suppress the truth that has been revealed, and whether they will acknowledge it or not, it is true revelation that leaves them without excuse.
it's helpful for me to think about it in terms of 1st and 2nd things (a main concept in C.S. Lewis' writings). when you put 1st things (God) first, you can then undersand and appreciate 2nd things (in this case, nature and man). but when you put 2nd things first, you miss them both entirely.
those that claim an interpretation of scientific facts as the evidence against believing in God are not making discoveries that disprove Him, they are making a choice to reject Him.

it is not that they don't see nature, it is that they cannot hear what it is screaming to them! and because we have been given divine revelation in the form of His Word we can clearly hear and appreciate the message that creation is singing. and i'll add that we (as those who hold forth the Word of Life) have the responsibility to pass on a love for general revelation (His creation) and a hunger to explore the Brilliance it points to. don't miss the message: the heavens declare the glory of God!!!

not one of the 100...

2010-04-03T14:06:00.000-04:00

finally finished another book i'd been working on for awhile. i had too many going on at the same time, and this one had to take a backseat to other priorities. in fact, i don't even think i can include this in my list of 100 books i'll read by 2020...only because that goal really developed around the idea of being encouraged, challenged, and stimulated in my walk with Christ. this was not really as directly linked to that goal as much as it was a subject of interest.
The Lost City of Z is a journalist's adventure to uncover the truth behind the mysterious disappearance of colonel percy harrison fawcett in 1925. fawcett was an explorer who eventually became obsessed with the dream of discovering the city of el dorado (which he referred to simply as "z") deep in the heart of the amazon jungle. david grann has done a masterful job of compiling the facts surrounding the lore and legend of both the mythical city of el dorado and the famous mystery that is percy fawcett's last expedition. the book is a compelling blend of investigative journalism, biography, history, anthropology, sociology, and at times it reads like a mystery novel. a fascinating read if you feel like exploring the wild jungles (which then were merely blank spots on a map), escaping hostile tribesmen, persevering through the attacks of hordes of deadly insects, uncovering ancient artifacts, and pursuing the illusive mystery of el dorado. it also provides interesting commentary on life, society, science and morals in the early twentieth century for all those history lovers.
it also looks like it's set to become a movie in 2012...should be interesting to see how they transform and adept this material to the silver-screen.

book #2: the winners manual

2010-04-03T13:40:00.000-04:00

for the past 2 years i have had the privilege of leading the crawfordsville high school boy's basketball team through a book study over the course of their season. it's been a tremendous honor, and has really been a lot of fun for me. i love to read. i love to teach. and i don't get many opportunities to spend consistently outside of church-world...so this has been the perfect blend that has allowed me to enjoy a unique outreach that i hope and believe God has used. i have been able to build a solid, trusting relationship with the coach, and this year he allowed me to choose the book from which we would read & discuss. so with my desire to spread truth in the sport's world, i couldn't help but be drawn to Jim Tressel's The Winners Manual. not only did this book emphasize strong moral character, but it also helped spread the Buckeye love! ("O-H...")

this book is a representation of a system that coach tressel applies to his football program. every buckeye on the team goes through the student-athlete's version of The Winners Manual. of course, theirs includes team values, regulations, practice information, guidelines for handling media, etc. it's all designed to pass on the heart of what buckeye football is all about: truly becoming winners (and not just on the football field). so coach has boiled the team's Winners Manual down to the basics that can be applied to any walk of life.
the best part of the book was the emphasis on organizing your life by separating your purpose from your goals, which is really the crux of the system which he calls "The Block O of Life". this is available for download so it can be personalized on thewinnersmanual.com. you allow your purpose to define who you are, then you develop goals based on your purpose in life and the circumstances you are currently called to. it emphasized as well that success is in the journey. just because you may not hoist a trophy does not mean you have not been successful. similarly, just because all of your goals have not been realized does not make you a loser. but it seeks to provide vision, organization and accountability so that you can develop holistically into the person that God has created you to be.
then there is a section he calls the "Big 10 Fundamentals", which are character traits and disciplines that help make you into a winner. they are easy to understand, simple to apply, and powerful when taken seriously. the majority of our discussions over this book focused on one fundamental at a time and how it could be applied personally and to the team as a whole. great discussion stuff! coach is also fond of impacting quotes, so this book is a gold mine of thoughts and quotes that are designed to make each fundamental memorable and meaningful. he does a good job of relating each fundamental to everyday life as well as the football field. we get to see what really goes on in the locker room and on the field, but he brings his experience and wisdom to a level that is challenging to all.

my only drawback from this book is the disappointment i felt reading the epilogue. coach sets it up nicely to really preach the gospel, but it's hard to share the gospel without mentioning Jesus. he begins his book in the prologue with a question he faced as a kid @ FCA (fellowship of christian athletes) camp: "if the game of life ended tonight, would you be a winner?" i was impressed with his boldness up front and impacted by his emphasis throughout the book on putting life into perspective. however, when he returns to that question in the epilogue he utterly fails to point to our Savior, Jesus Christ, and therefore puts a disappointing finishing touch to what becomes just another self-help book. granted, i loved this read and found much of it to be helpful, but it could only serve as a spring-board for me to then share the truth with the unsaved.

if i ever again have the opportunity to lead an athletic program through a book study, this will be at the top of my list! and although i cannot whole-heartedly embrace coach tressel's theology (especially after hearing him speak a couple years ago), i am very thankful for an upright & bold coach with a strong moral compass leading my buckeyes! this was a fun read for me, and got me all the more excited for another season! GO BUCKS!!!

book #1: orthodoxy

2010-03-27T18:24:00.001-04:00

this is my first book toward accomplishing my 2020 vision! and this review has been a long time coming. i certainly won't pretend to be an expert at reviewing others' material, and especially when it comes to the works of G.K. Chesterton. really i feel thoroughly inadequate to even attempt to review his masterpiece, Orthodoxy, so my thoughts here will remain personal and brief.
admittedly, i've already begun to forget what i've read because i finished the book a couple of months ago, and although it's only a short book, it took me more than a few weeks to read. i could usually only keep my mind engaged long enough to wrestle through one chapter at a time (which meant that i had to renew it from the library and then finally had to resign myself to finishing the Kindle version on my iPod). that's how i found every chapter: each like an adventure all to itself. after a page or two into each of the beginning chapters i was left wondering how in the world the man had lost his train of thought, how in the world his current thought tied to the last, how in the world this proved his argument, and how in the world he would bring this one full circle. but i was delightfully rewarded each time for persevering (or should i say, suffering) through to the end of the chapter. in fact, sometimes it wasn't until the last paragraph that i would finally feel relief that i had just discovered the jewel we had labored to discover. and each jewel was a treasure unto itself. i couldn't help just taking a break and feeling like i had to discuss the exhilarating insight i had just received. so here i would like to thank my wife for persevering (no, truly this time, suffering) through this verbal processor's vain attempts at rehashing chesterton's philosophical construction. i know i certainly could not do justice to the beauty of his reasoning.
as each chapter was collected i beheld an awesome treasure. beautiful and breathtaking in it's fresh light, but more awesome for its simplicity. it was refreshing to find that as chesterton would take a philosophical spin that would supposedly topple the evangelical foundation he would instead land firmly and assuredly right where he had begun. he talked of the truth he was taught as a boy, and in his grown-up sophisticated thinking, he found that he could have simply trusted those Bible stories told to the simple minded. he says of this work that "it recounts my elephantine adventures in pursuit of the obvious." he had struck out on the endeavoring of declaring orthodoxy and instead discovered an orthodoxy he had already been taught!
"i am the man who with the utmost daring discovered what had been discovered before...I freely confess all the idiotic ambitions of the end of the nineteenth century. i did, like all other solemn little boys, try to be in advance of the age. like them i tried to be some ten minutes in advance of the truth. and i found that i was eighteen hundred years behind it...i have kept my truths: but i have discovered, not that they were not truths, but simply that they were not mind. when i fancied that i stood alone i was really in the ridiculous position of being backed up by all Christendom...i did try to be original; but i only succeeded in inventing all by myself an inferior copy of the existing traditions of civilized religion...i did try to found a heresy of my own; and when i had put the last touches to it, i discovered that it was orthodoxy."

i found them fitting words for myself. i will confess i have found myself tempted at times to be swayed by the seduction of the new and original. this book has reminded me that the lessons i learned on the flannelgraph in Sunday School are just as fresh and alive today as the first time i experienced them, and they can be trusted. the Truth revealed in God's Word will never be irrelevant or eradicated. it has and always will stand the test of time. and my soul would do well to feast upon the satisfying bread of the Bible.

isaiah 55:1-2,
"come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no mone,
com, buy and eat!
come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
why spend money on what it not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."

on the way to a wedding...

2010-03-25T08:05:00.002-04:00

so my little brother is getting married tomorrow. crazy! he's now an official marine, tomorrow he'll become a husband, in just a few months he'll be serving in afghanistan, and i'm praying that the LORD uses all of this to continue to make Him into a strong man of God who leads his family well. still hard to believe that this is happening, but it's also an exciting season of life for our fam!

God is good all the time. and it's these celebratory events that remind me how much i have to be thankful for...especially my family. God has given me such a beautiful family!! my pretty, pretty girl, jolie. i love watching the light in her eyes...i love listening to her jump up and down in her crib as she waits for me to finish this blog and come rescue her. yesterday i enjoyed a little "tea time" with her...she's just so fun to play with! and then there's the kicks and nudges of my son. only 2 months till judah's born! can't wait...

then there is my baby. my joy. my best friend. my lover. i don't know what i'd do without her. my beautiful wife, carissa.

i have 3 huge reasons to be thankful today! plus the fact that i get to spend the day with them today...albeit in the car...but on the way to ohio (the motherland, and another reason to be thankful) to share in the joy of a wedding!

so i'd better get packing.

thank You, LORD!

- Posted from my iPod

passover and such

2010-03-21T21:23:00.001-04:00

I have just a few hours to get a post in before the week is up. it's just been that kind of week...wait, no...it's been that kind of month! I've had something big & unique to my schedule to prepare for every weekend of the month of march. first it was preaching, then performing a wedding, then tonight was leading a passover seder at church, then this next weekend is my brother's wedding! then you throw in a funeral i had to do at the end of february, a big st. patrick's day dinner, and an onslaught of other pastoral duties...and becomes apparent that I need a vacation. I know that's life. life is busy! but I can honestly say that it's been abnormally hectic as of late. but I'm saving up my vacation days for the birth of my son...can't wait!!

anyway, tonight's messianic passover seder at church was awesome! I love having the opportunity to relive the traditions and grow in my appreciation and love for my Savior! plus it was fun to be able to share it all with my church family. I'm really going to miss them! my grammie reminds me often of how good this church has been to us...but she doesn't need to tell me...we are so thankful for this season of our lives and the impact this church has had upon us. God is good! and we'll cherish our memories from this place!

k, gotta go watch a movie with my wife!!! I love her...

- Posted from my iPod

oh well...

2010-03-10T09:57:00.000-05:00

well, i guess i failed in my attempt to blog at least once a week. i was working on my review of orthodoxy by chesterton last week, but still have yet to finish it. i was a little preoccupied by preparing to preach, and about wednesday i started to feel a little under the weather...so i made sure to rest up for those couple days leading up to the LORD's day to be ready to communicate God's Word unhindered. i love having the opportunity to preach, and i praise God that He chooses to use cracked vessels like me to communicate His Truth. you can listen to the message on joshua & jericho here. but i'll warn you that our church's website will be moving soon...hopefully.

other than that i feel the need to add a pic from the weekend of my beautiful girls. the weather finally started to feel a little more reasonable for march...so we headed out to the park for a family picnic. still chilly...but well worth it! there's not much that i love more than taking walks with my fam...they are my joy!

joy in the journey

2010-02-27T21:46:00.000-05:00

it's been a very busy week...2 funerals, extra meetings, trying to work ahead on my sermon for next week...just plain busy. although I long ago resigned myself to the fact that that's just the way life works, there are days/weeks/seasons when life truly is busier than normal. and since we are short-staffed @ church and desperately trying to catch up, my schedule has been crazy! pastor terry has referred to our situation as "survival mode"...and that pretty much sums it all up.

I have been enjoying this season though...as there is always lots to do, there is also always lots more to be thankful for! the best part has been the harvest of souls...we have seen around 40 people trust Christ for salvation in the last 2 months! that is truly exciting and plenty of reason to keep rejoicing!

we have also enjoyed good family time. last saturday Carissa and I built a tent for Jolie out of pvc pipe and bedsheets...lots of fun! and I can't believe all the words she is saying...she brings so much laughter and so many smiles into our home! and it's been exciting to watch, even tonight, as Carissa's belly rocks from Judah's kicks and punches...can't believe we're only about 3 months away from holding him! and we're also looking forward to seeing family soon. chris and veronica are getting married in a month...wow! and then Carissa & Jolie are planning a trip out to massachusetts over spring break. i'm glad they are going, but I wish I could go too...but I gotta save up my vacation time for Judah's arrival!

and I haven't even mentioned that we're still planning on moving to NC at the end of june...one of these days we'll plop down on the couch, look at each other, sigh, and ask, "how did we get through all that?". and the answer of course will be: "God." which may sound cliche, but we are accutely aware that we are utterly dependent on Him.

so we lay our heads down each night exhausted but thankful that we can trust in a sovereign God. and we rejoice each day. because, as I was reminded by michael card today, there is a joy in the journey!

- Posted from my iPod

judah's 24 week ultrasound

2010-02-16T10:51:00.000-05:00

there's my little boy. and what a joy he is already to us! it was incredible to watch him move around, try to suck his thumb, try to suck his arm, cover his face with his hands, bounce with his hiccups, punch mommy's belly...wow. he's a miracle! and my heart is filled with love! thank You, Lord, for the gift of my son!

progress on my reading goal

2010-02-15T10:25:00.000-05:00

i finished my 1st book towards accomplishing my 2020 vision of reading 100 books in the next 10 years. i feel a little behind, but i've got 4 other books that are mostly read...just need to finish them (story of my life). i've also determined not to open the cover of another before i'm done with the 4 already started. noble goal, but we'll see...

the review is coming, but my 1st book finished is: "orthodoxy" by g.k. chesterton. incredible read!

carissa, my love...

2010-02-15T10:19:00.000-05:00

what a joy my wife is to me.

usually when valentine's day approaches i feel a little anxious and rushed trying to figure out something to do for carissa that will tell her i love her. this year i waited until the 11th hour...in between services sunday morning! and nothing says 'i love you' quite like a mcdonalds breakfast! it wasn't much. really i don't have a fascinating story to brag about...like sky-diving with a sign that says 'i love you', or buying a really fancy piece of jewelry, or writing a love song...but we had time this weekend to just...be with each other.

and as i take time to just look @ her and take her in...i fall in love all over again. she is breathtaking! she is my beauty. and just talking to her fills my heart with warmth, comfort and continual mystery. i love that. she is my friend. and she is my joy. what a gift she is to me!

carissa, my love, you are my valentine!

rest

2010-02-13T16:25:00.001-05:00

rest. sometimes it's hard for me to get rest, and then sometimes when i'm resting it's hard to know if i've really rested. know what i mean?

i've had a couple days here to stay home and not have to go anywhere or really do anything. i look forward to days like these, but sometimes it's a struggle to feel satisfied when it doesn't seem like i've accomplished much. but maybe that's the point of rest...

really, the past 2 days have been a wonderful time of hanging out with my girls...sleeping in, making breakfast together, playing whatever Jolie wants, reading, talking, and just enjoying my family! growing in my relationships with Carissa & Jolie...now that's accomplishing something! and that is satisfying. maybe rest is relational. and the only accomplishment in rest is just that: rest.

thank You, Lord, for the gift of rest!

- Posted from my iPod

i got my answer.

2010-02-09T09:56:00.000-05:00

well, we're staying here in crawfordsville until the end of june. i've been asking the Lord constantly for direction and provision, and i got my answer for now. not what i was expecting...but it was His answer. so we are here to help Rock Point church as best as we can through this transition.

really, it's been a blessing. we love it here, and we love the people. and thinking about having judah here (beginning of june) around our friends and church family is awesome...as well as the benefit of not having to find a new doctor to deliver. so, although this wasn't what we were planning, the Lord has been taking care of us, and we're excited to be sticking around for a little while longer.

yesterday was spent organizing and prioritizing. i want to be effective with my time...and really, i know it will fly by. and then today we've been hit with yet another snow storm...postponing events and meetings for another day. oh well. the snow is beautiful. and God is good.

stunned by sovereignty

2010-02-04T15:46:00.003-05:00

the past couple months have just been a whirlwind. so much has and is happening, but i guess that's just life. there haven't been too many times where life really slows down for me, but in all the craziness lately the issue of God's sovereignty keeps coming up. i feel like i've had to explore it and explain it to more people in the last couple weeks than i have in my whole ministry experience (which is just 4 months shy of 4 years). obviously questions revolving around the issue of sovereignty arise out of circumstances that are tough to understand and explain. why are these things happening? why does God allow this? what's His purpose in this?

but i have to admit that, even though we have faced some challenging circumstances that still leave me a bit puzzled, i'm more assured of God's sovereignty than ever before.

i've been reminded of the 2 different forms of "God's will": His planative will & His decretive will. His planative will is His overall plan. God has A plan...not a plan B or plan C. He is in control. nothing surprises Him or catches Him off guard. He is omnipotent and omniscient, and He is infinite. unfortunately i am finite and limited in my understanding...which means i am incapable of knowing & understanding His planative will. but i don't need to.

i need to know His decretive will. and the best part is, i CAN know His decretive will! His decretive will is His decrees or His commands. those He has clearly spelled out for me in His authoritative and sufficient Word.

so, i don't have to know "WHY?". because i know "WHO!"

i know God. i know Him through His Word...His revelation. which is an act of love. i have a relationship with Him. and it's through Christ...proof of His love.

understanding the balance between God's sovereignty and man's free will is an age-old theological & philosophical battle ground littered with the thoughts and lives of godly men who have gone before me. though the two positions seem polarizing and incongruent, i believe they do not cancel each other out. because i believe that in God's sovereign will He has decreed man's free will. and somehow in His infinite purpose those 2 truths are not in conflict.

loved A.W. Tozer's work on this subject in chapter 22 of The Knowledge of the Holy. his illustration of the ocean liner with a predetermined course filled with passengers free to roam about the ship as they pleased was helpful in my mind. although even that illustration is hinged upon the unforeseen (for us) knowledge of God's planative will...whether that ocean liner really will reach its predetermined destination or not. so it's not a sufficient picture. but we're trying to wrap our minds around an infinite God which is in itself contradictory to say.

so as i've been writing curriculum, responding to theological questions, researching and reading i've been encouraged that this quest to understand God's will and sovereignty is not in vain because it leads me back to a quiet starting point: trust. that is the issue. will i question WHO He is? questioning God is the oldest trick in the book (genesis 3), which leads to not trusting and rebellion. so do i question Him? or will i trust Him and seek to live my life in obedience to His decretive will for His ultimate glory?

oh to have faith like a child.

anticipating robin hood

2010-02-03T11:36:00.000-05:00

i have to admit my excitement here...ridley scott and russell crowe are teaming up again (previous projects: gladiator, a good year, and american gangster) to bring us a retelling of ROBIN HOOD! (currently set to arrive in theaters on may 14, 2010) i cannot always endorse scott's movies, but i can't help admitting that gladiator is one of my all-time favorite movies (if not my top choice for fav movie). what he and crowe were able to capture of the glory of the roman empire in gladiator was spectacular and inspiring! and it sounds like his intentions are to attempt to harness that same grandeur for the historical kingdom of england in this new film.

i'm aware that another installment in the robin hood films genre is unnecessary. but i believe the duo of scott and crowe can accomplish for robin hood lore what christopher nolan and christian bale have successfully added to the legend of batman. which means, robin hood has the potential to break into my top favorite movies of all-time!

there, that's plenty of hype for me...now i just hope they deliver!

sin of the tongue

2010-02-03T11:08:00.001-05:00

made a really stupid comment last night in our deacons meeting. it was in the context of joking around, and it was just untimely and inappropriate under the circumstances. one of those moments where you just blurt something out before really thinking about it, and then you realize...wow, that was really dumb. ever have one of those moments?

well, it just revealed to me my lack of self-control with my words. and when i rid myself of vague and fancy terminology to explain and diminish my actions, it boils down to one word: sin. i've sought forgiveness from the LORD and from those in the meeting last night for my words. it may not have seemed like a big deal to some...but it's a gross sin to spout off without restraint revealing the carelessness of my heart.

i often come back to proverbs 10:19 which simply says, "when words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent." LORD, i want to be a prov. 10:19 man! i had to admit to myself this morning that i'm unfortunately not very good with humor. i love to laugh, and i love to joke around...but too often my humor ends up with my foot in my mouth...or worse, hurting someone. how i long to be able to joke around and have a good time with people in a way that is truly pleasing to the LORD. i want Him to be chuckling with me...not forced to prick my heart because of sin with my careless tongue.

blessings @ the friendship kitchen

2010-02-01T12:29:00.000-05:00

had an incredible weekend! saturday morning was our flock's turn to serve at the "friendship kitchen" (our local soup kitchen). i can't tell you how fun it was to see the body of Christ at work! some had prepared food, some were serving, some were doing dishes, some were just talking with people...each using their gifts and serving as a collective body to minister to people! praise God!

i was personally blessed by all the people i was able to talk to. you know, sometimes you reach out to people and try to give a listening ear and it's hard not to just feel sorry for them. it's also hard for me to see potential in their lives. what a horrible thought...i'm completely ashamed of it! i wish i had better faith and vision. and i wish i could see God's perspective. my criteria that i usually look for in people to see their potential for effective ministry is so worldly. forgive me, LORD! they are people. and they have stories. sometimes those stories are tragic. sometimes you can visually see the trail of sinful habits and consequences they have/are living with. i have a story. and it's no different. i am a recipient of the grace of God! LORD, teach me to share that hope in your grace. let me be a trophy of grace! keep my heart close to You, daily reminded of your mercy and grace!

i was touched by their stories. because they're human like mine...they're not just "the poor people". they are people. and some of them are hurting, and they need God to work in their lives. maybe He was using me. some of them are being used of God to minister to others! LORD, give me the clarity to see how You are working. that you don't just work through the sophisticated and the seemingly-have-it-all-together, middle class Christians. You work through broken vessels...trophies of Your grace!

then i was touched in our flock meeting last night by the excitement from all our flock members because of the chance to serve together. it was encouraging to see how each of us are wired and gifted differently by God, and how He can use us as we serve together.

so i hope we were a blessing to those we served @ the friendship kitchen...because i was certainly blessed by them and by our flock. thank You, LORD!

just the motivation i needed!

2010-01-27T10:04:00.001-05:00

feeling a little tired this morning and needed some motivation to get my mind in gear and keep my seat in my seat. working on the curriculum for our "systematic theology" course for B.I.L.T. (Bible institute for leadership training) @ our church. well, i got my motivation. don't know why i keep getting drawn to book reviews on The Shack, but this morning's was from dr. mohler @ southern. i pay attention to his stuff because he speaks with a bold, clear, Biblical voice on issues involving Christ's Church and our culture. and his review of this pulp-fiction/theology book was inspiring! seriously, take a couple minutes and read it: albertmohler.com

he argues that the overwhelming response of so many Christians embracing The Shack may reveal that "theological discernment is now a lost art among American evangelicals." obviously there are theological questions that The Shack raises (and should raise the alarm in our minds and hearts as believers in Biblical theology). his conclusion: "our real task is to reacquaint evangelicals with the Bible's teachings on these very questions and to foster a doctrinal rearmament of Christian believers."

that's my task today, and gets me excited to develop this curriculum...and excited to pursue further education in theology studies. what an important endeavor. my generation must rise to the occasion and grab the torch from those who have gone before us holding fast to the truth of God's Word and boldly proclaiming Biblical theology! we must continue to teach Christ's Church that we are called to be discerning. and as dr. mohler so wisely put it, "discernment cannot survive without doctrine."

pastor to parents meeting

2010-01-25T21:56:00.000-05:00

had a great opportunity to talk to some of our parents at church about how to help their children handle death. great to see parents who really care and want to encourage their kids through difficult times in life!

started with the reality of spiritual warfare, and our enemy who is the father of lies. he wants us to think UNtruth, which leads to worries and fears and ultimately not trusting in God. we combat worry and fear with TRUTH! and Philippians 4:4-9 tells us to present our requests to God with thanksgiving...then think about truth. not the "what if's" or "what might's", but "what IS". what is true!

and what is true is that God is in control and He is good (read Psalm 135:6 and then 119:68...awesome!) and those 2 truths are never in conflict with one another. incredible to think about and trust in.

truth is what our church needs. truth is what our families need. truth is what i need. Your Word is wonderful LORD! help me strap on my belt of truth and use the sword of the Spirit!

kurt's legacy: love God, love people.

2010-01-23T20:42:00.000-05:00

i don't know how many times i've started this post this week and just wasn't able to keep my mind engaged long enough to finish it. it's been a roller-coaster week. almost like we crammed a month into the span of 6 days. i feel older. and a little tired. but i also sense that God has impressed on my heart a simple lesson:

love God. love people.

that's what pastor kurt taught me. he was my pastor, my teammate, my friend, and my brother, and he went home to be with the LORD unexpectedly on monday morning. it set in motion a host of crazy emotions and events this week that have been life-shaping. just thinking about the lives that his life touched...wow! even in passing from death to life he was touching others' lives! words can't express what he meant to our church family, and what he meant to people personally because he just genuinely cared about them.

probably the most important lesson i've ever learned about ministry: it's about loving God and loving people.

i'll never forget that lesson, buddy! thank you! can't wait to see you again!

praise God for the hope and peace and joy and grace and healing and comfort (etc., etc.) that we have in HIM!! my heart is full. i sing with joy to the LORD! and i'm anticipating His work in and through this experience.

thank you, GOD!

a week winding down...

2010-01-16T23:31:00.000-05:00

Had a great morning speaking at the Men of HABITS breakfast @ church. Spoke on "remodling closets" (not hiding any sin in the dark closets of your heart & life). Hope it's impactful for men to commit their whole loves to Christ and walk in the light!

Can't believe it, but tomorrow is 1 month from our target date to move to NC! Wow! So much still to do! Biggest hurdle is finding a job...still praying hard for that one. And we've been enjoying these last days of hanging out with friends. It's bitter-sweet to think about leaving good friends and building all new relationships. You don't realize how close you become...but we're praising God for all these friendships and how He's blessed this season of our lives!

I know this post is a little choppy, but that's how this week has been. Tomorrow is "commitment Sunday". We're all bring our own rock to church, and we'll be challenged to recommit our lives to God and to His body. Looking forward to a powerful challenge and experience as we worship the LORD together!

- Posted from my iPod

psalm 136:1-4

2010-01-12T15:42:00.000-05:00

give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
give thanks to the God of gods,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
give thanks to the Lord of lords,
for his steadfast love endures forever.

to him who alone does great wonders,
for his steadfast love endures forever.

i just can't get over the sovereignty and love of a good God. absolutely blown away...

it's official...we're having a....

2010-01-12T14:25:00.000-05:00

BOY!!! praise God! i'm so excited and so scared out of my mind. it only took them about 4 seconds after they started the ultrasound to find him...and we heard those words, "it's a boy!" all that joy and excitement hit...and then all of sudden i had this crazy thought, i've never had one of those...what am i gonna do?

good to know God's in control.

so we're rejoicing and trusting in Him. o God, keep our little man strong and healthy, and raise him up to be a godly man that You can use mightily for Your kingdom!

our little "Judah" is on his way!

CHRIST IS ALL

2010-01-11T10:22:00.000-05:00

powerful prayer i've been reading and contemplating from "valley of vision" p.18:

Christ is All

o Lover to the uttermost,
may i read the meltings of Thy heart to me
in the manger of Thy birth,
in the garden of Thy agony,
in the cross of Thy suffering,
in the tomb of Thy resurrection,
in the heaven of Thy intercession.
bold in this thought i defy my adversary,
tread down his temptations
resist his schemings
renounce the world,
am valiant for truth
deepen in me a sense of my holy relationship to Thee,
as spiritual bridegroom,
as Jehovah's fellow,
as sinner's friend.
i think of Thy glory and my vileness,
Thy majesty and my meanness,
Thy beauty and my deformity,
Thy purity and my faith,
Thy righteousness and my iniquity.
Thou has loved me everlastingly, unchangeably,
may i love Thee as i am loved;
Thou has given Thyself for me,
may i give myself to Thee;
Thou hast died for me,
may i live to Thee
in every moment of my time,
in every movement of my mind,
in every pulse of my heart.
may i never dally with the world and its allurements,
but walk by Thy side,
listen to Thy voice,
be clothed with Thy graces,
and adorned with Thy righteousness.

a month out...and trusting

2010-01-10T23:54:00.001-05:00

we're a week and a half into 2010. crazy to think about how time flies. and there's so much going on. dad's been with us for almost a week now and will soon be returning to massachusetts...tuesday we find out if our baby's a boy or a girl (depending on a few factors)...and we're just over a month away from our target date for moving to north carolina! that's the one that gets me the most. i really can't believe it! and for the first time i'm starting to feel a little scared.

Lord, i really need a job! i want to trust You. You are Jehovah-Jireh. please provide for my family. may we bring You glory through this adventure in trusting You!

the delightful spirit of sherlock holmes

2010-01-07T22:15:00.001-05:00

enjoying time with my father-in-law this week. he's staying with us for a week for a little vacation and grandpa time. i had been hoping to lose a little after-Christmas weight, but i'm afraid that little dream is post-poned until after dad's departure...he's been very generous in wanting to eat out a little more than our usual schedule!

but tonight was a special treat: a movie night. and not just our typical redbox run (with whom i'm currently waging a war over a scratched dvd, a frozen machine and a pair of rejected requests...another story for another time), no, dad took us to the movies to see the new sherlock holmes flick. and i feel like it's worth reviewing.

first, the personal context. i was completely torn between excitement over the idea of a sherlock holmes movie and appalled at the seemingly blasphemous trailer i had seen weeks ago. i wasn't even sure that i really wanted to see it. you see, one of my favorite books as a kid was the children's illustrated classic's version of "sherlock holmes and the hound of the baskervilles". i vividly remember consuming it for the first time on family vacation, and i was instantly hooked on sir arthur conan doyle's master of mystery. so i was intrigued but very hesitant to get too excited over the thought of a new interpretation of a childhood hero. especially after the trailer portrayed robert downey jr.'s version of sherlock as some sort of turn-of-the-twentieth century james bond. and as we entered the cinema, i almost suggested seeing something else.

i'm glad we didn't.

as we emerged from watching i told carissa that i was pleasantly surprised, which prompted an earned "told ya you'd like it". she had been right. i loved it! and it's still growing on me. i'll definitely be waiting for the dvd release to watch it again.

downey jr.'s sherlock was the perfect blend of arrogance, wit, humor, intrigue and brilliance i remember, and the team chemistry and friendly banter with jude law's dr. watson was even more endearing (if it's not too bold to say) than conan doyle's duo. a few of the fight scenes (which i had skeptically assumed would ruin the spirit of the character) actually served to enhance the character and lore of sherlock holmes. the scenes would pause just before holmes would physically attack an enemy, and then predict, in slow-mo, each move while listening to his logical contemplation and planning. brain over...er, uh...with brawn. a good touch to action. and it was full of witty dialogue and timely humor which made it enjoyable to follow even with some pretty gross and disturbing images (the director or story writer seemed to have a thing with death). there were a few times i had to make sure my wife's eyes were blocked to prevent any nightmares...and i took a strategic and extremely necessary restroom run (after succumbing to the theater's ploy to upgrade my medium sized soda to a large for just 25 cents more) to avoid watching a completely inappropriate and unnecessary sexually suggestive scene (which we knew was coming from previews and planned accordingly). i hate it when they throw that in there.

the story was still the same mystery format. just when you thought the case was nearing an end a new twist would seemingly blindside the famous detective, but deep down you never doubt his master plan in solving the mystery and saving the day. so other than a few disturbing and inappropriate images, the movie was overall an incredible flick. my hero is still intact, and i can't get over how much i actually enjoyed watching downey jr. portray him. the best part of it all...i believe they got the spirit of sherlock holmes right.

and we just had a fun-filled evening together. thanks dad!

naming 'baby j'

2010-01-05T08:27:00.000-05:00

next week we will hopefully and officially find out if our new baby is a boy or a girl. so exciting! i praise God for LIFE! and i praise God for the privilege of being a dad...a great joy! but as we wait to find out, we've already been thinking of names.

we're settled for a boy on the name, Judah. just a strong name with great significance. although we're working on a middle name still (carissa won't let me call him Judah Maximus...bummer). but we're thinking of something that starts with "L" maybe? at least that's the direction we're thinking right now...mainly because those are my initials (and then i can proudly pass along any possessions marked 'JLH').

and for a girl, we keep coming back to the name, Jacey [pronounced 'jay-see']. but we're again struggling to identify the right middle name to go with it. we love that name for a girl because of its uniqueness (and yet not too weird), and that it can fit both the 'cute' and 'beautiful' criteria...much like Jolie has for our first beautiful little red-head. and again similar to Jolie Alanna, we would like a middle name that makes it roll off the tongue, and gives it a touch of elegance.

what a joy it is to anticipate the birth of another baby! and it's a blast to sit around and dream up just the right name.

Lord, may this little one ultimately bring glory to Your name!

the first sunday of dedication

2010-01-04T15:32:00.000-05:00

awesome first sunday in the new facility! and a surprisingly smooth soft-launch...we really didn't have any hiccups worth recognizing. and from what i'm told, for a first sunday in a new building that's an incredible feat. praise God! and a big thanks to (and for) all the people whose service made that possible!

it was tremendously impacting to me to have the service so focused on the Word of God. we had one of our older members bring the Bible into the auditorium as the congregation stood out of respect...wow! thank You for Your Word, Lord! and then our only remaining charter member, lucille ronk, read the last few verses of revelation out loud (finishing our read-through of the whole Bible to dedicate the new facility). impacting.

reminded me of when i fell in love with God's Word. it started for me at an early age in a solid Bible-preaching church...but really started to take deep root in my heart during my year at Word of Life Bible institute. that's when i experienced the Word of God changing me the clearest, and i had no doubt that i wanted to spend the rest of my life studying Its truths and sharing them with others.

so i'm excited to make this the year of the Bible. it's a resolution of mine for this year: to read through the whole Bible with my wife. Lord, do it again...continue to use your Word to change me...i want to be holy and pleasing to You!

rock point's first weekend

2010-01-02T09:10:00.001-05:00

busy saturday...it's the day before our first sunday in the new facility. we have a 3 hour worship practice scheduled, but judging by our wednesday rehearsal, i'd say it's entirely possible for this practice to stretch even longer. got to get accustomed to a new sound system, new lights, new room, etc. but it should be exciting!

then @ 4pm we're asking our people to come by the new building for a PRAYER WALK! we want to bathe this new ministry tool in prayer asking God to specifically use each session for His glory! this is a big weeked in the life of our church...getting into a brand new facility and officially changing our name to Rock Point Baptist Church. i praise God for the chance to be a part of it!

some ask me why i personally get excited since carissa and i are heading back to school very soon (hopefully as early as february) and we really won't be around to enjoy all the change, but they don't seem to understand what's going on. this is a God-thing. not a comfort-thing. this facility has been built for the glory of God and the advancement of His kingdom...and that i get excited about. it was not built for my own pleasure or comfort, which makes it easier to hold with an open hand. this is about Christ's Church (emphasis on the capitalization), not just one local church...so the whole body of Christ can rejoice at the work of God!

and this is a weekend for celebration! GLORY TO GOD!!

- Posted from my iPod

rose bowl champs!!!

2010-01-01T21:34:00.000-05:00

made the choice to just enjoy the game whatever the outcome (as opposed to fretting, worrying and silently begging God to be on our side...as sacreligious as that is), but my buckeyes made it easy to enjoy! pryor was a beast. definitely reveling in the moment...and yet i can't help but anticipate the future after that performance!! great way to kick off the decade!

and wow...that sounds good: rose bowl champs!

- Posted from my iPod

O-H...

2010-01-01T18:46:00.000-05:00

just enjoying listening to the rose bowl. after 3 consecutive BCS losses i have little expectations today. which is actually a nice change of pace. of course i believe my buckeyes will win...and i'm hoping. but i'm not hoping in desperation. some might say that's an actual sign of disbelief, but it's simply a decision.

i'm deciding to just enjoy the game. we're playing well. pryor's playing well. we're leading at half 16-10. so at least we've shown up to play, which makes a fan proud.

now it's time to sit back and enjoy the second half...waiting to hear it: "ohio state wins!!!"

go bucks!

Resolutions for 2010

2009-12-31T23:31:00.001-05:00

Barely time to squeez a last post in before the chapter of 2009 is closed, but I've managed. And I've also managed to spend sufficient time contemplating this transition into 2010. I'll confess that I usually don't put much stock in new year's resolutions, but I'm excited to have written out some tangible goals for the next decade. Which leaves the question as to which goal to tackle first...

So, for myself and the purpose of being able to look back, I resolve in 2010 to:

Read the whole Bible through
Blog @ least once per week
Guard my family time

Lord, use these goals and disciplines in my life to bring glory to Yourself. I am a trophy of Your grace! As I look back in the past and stand on the brink of the future, I praise You for working in my life! I'm not who I want to be...I'm not who I should be...but praise God, I'm not who I was!! Only by grace...

- Posted from my iPod

the unbelievable pride & prejudice & zombies

2009-12-30T09:51:00.003-05:00

i can't believe i'm posting this, but it was too unbelievable to pass up. my cousin got a book for Christmas entitled, "pride and prejudice and zombies" by jane austen and seth grahame-smith.

i can't believe i did it, but i had to sneak a quick look through the first couple chapters. interesting. not sure whether the concept of merging classic literature with zombies is original (or could even be considered original), and it seems so profane...but if nothing else the book is at least intriguing (in a morbidly clever sort of way). it is labeled as a 'quirk classic', but whether it can retain the 'classic' label is still up in the air. though i can't honestly review the book (only having read a few pages) i found the premise laughable. and a good laugh may be the only true purpose of this book (whether it was the author's original intention or not). grahame-smith tries to keep the language, time period, and setting the same or similar, but his character descriptions sound like a poor cut-and-paste job. which leads me to believe that his character development (which is my favorite characteristic of austen's novel) will be slightly lacking and finish off any chance of elevating this edition to the time-tested shelves of classic lit. but the thing that puzzles me the most is the question of audience. who's going to read this stuff?

i can't believe it, but i just looked it up on our public library website to see if it's available. me! that's who's going to read this stuff. wait. no! it's got to be a waste of time! reading this would be more embarrassing than admitting my tendency to revert back to "hardy boys" when i just need a break from thinking too hard. and what gets me is that i'm not even really into zombies and horror...

i can't believe i'm having to fight the urge to read this book, and that i'm actually disappointed that it's not available at the library...not even in circulation. whew. saved. i think i can avoid reading it as long as it's not lying around nearby. my world has been saved from zombies...for now.

i can't believe i'm even saying that...

reading for my 2020 vision

2009-12-26T18:21:00.004-05:00

i know it's not really an original idea...in fact, it was really inspired by mark batterson a couple of weeks ago...but i put together my own 2020 vision.

we're on the doorstep of a new decade! and because that has only happened twice in my lifetime i'm determined to take this milestone seriously. these last few years in ministry have really been a turning point in my life in understanding the importance of casting vision, living on purpose, setting goals and staying organized. so it was exciting to dream and set goals not just for this next year, but for the next 10!

one of my goals is to read 100 books by 2020.

for some that may not seem like much, but although i absolutely love reading i have to confess...i'm pretty slow. if you break 100 books down by 10 years...that's uh...10 books per year (if you have to use math in life it might as well be easy math!). and 10 books a year means a book almost every month. whew. not gonna lie, that's going to be a challenge. my biggest problem in reading is not the amount of books i read, but rather the amount of books i actually finish. i usually have an average of 3-4 books going at any one time...whether i'll finish any one of them is debatable.

so in order to achieve this lofty goal i'm going to have to be purposeful. for me reading is a joy. but to really benefit from reading i have to be a disciplined reader. which means there are certain sacrifices that will have to be made to become a better reader and accomplish this goal (which i'm convinced holds invaluable benefits and blessings). i already know that books will have to schedule an appointment with my google calendar. there will have to be certain times during my week where reading time is built in. then it will also have to become a main source of relaxing and downtime (but a distant second to spending time with my girls...and our little one on the way...). and in an effort to sacrifice distractions i have voluntarily banned video games from my life (unless it is for the purpose of fellowship...which is just comical to think that mowing down my buddies with an assault rifle could be considered fellowship). and along with scheduling and removing distractions, i want to be purposeful in what i choose to read. i wonder how many words we actually read in a day...and how many of those words are just junk food compared to what we could be dining on if we chose our reading material carefully. so in light of being purposeful and realizing the need to streamline the process to accomplish the goal, i am putting together a reading list. 100 books. kinda feels limiting, but limiting may cause me to be cautious in not wasting my reading time on frivolous books that aren't truly stimulating, encouraging, challenging or inspiring. of course, a reading list will work like a budget: a flexible guide. for who knows what awaits to be written within the next decade (an exciting thought). but then again, as C.S. Lewis said, 'it is a good rule after reading a new book, never to allow yourself another new one till you have read an old one in between". so my goal is to read many of the time-tested classics on the Christian faith!

obviously this reading goal is just a part of my spiritual disciplines, but i'm so excited to see how God will use it in my life! i pray that in 2020 i will have a clearer vision of truth and wisdom.

"Buh-Bo"

2009-12-23T10:10:00.002-05:00

last night we were singing "Jesus Loves Me" with Jolie and she instantly started into the motions...pointing to her hands like nails, and then opening her hands while singing "Buh-Bo" (Bible!). when we asked her where Jesus was she ran and found her little kids Bible and opened it up looking for Jesus.

o Lord, may my little girl always run to your Word to find You!

what a joy filled my heart last night. merry CHRISTmas!

God dwells

2009-11-11T09:12:00.002-05:00

just finished slowly (and i do mean slowly) reading through the book of exodus. it's an exciting and incredibly detailed account of God bringing a people He calls His own out from bondage to the Egyptian empire. God hears the cry of His people. He remembers them. and He sends His man, moses, to make a case before pharaoh to let the children of Israel go...but pharaoh refuses.

so God Almighty literally takes on the greatest nation in the world to prove His sovereignty and might to the world...and especially to His own people. that they would know that He is God...and He is THEIR God.

so He leads them out into the wilderness on their way to the land He promised to provide for them...and while He's out there He establishes some ground rules about how this theocracy is going to work. moses is given the commandments and instructions to build the tabernacle...the place where God's glory will rest.

what an awesome thought. God wants to dwell with His people. He walked with adam in the garden. and now His people are living in tents...so He lives in a tent...

God dwells with His people.

which just gets me excited about this upcoming season where we remember the incarnation. that God dwelt with us in humanity. wow.

there's an appropriate Christmas reminder: God dwells.

my "pilgrim's perspective"

2009-11-02T15:01:00.002-05:00

pastor terry's message yesterday resonated an ancient chord in my heart. one that has echoed through the hall of faith for a few thousand years. we are pilgrim's on a journey to heaven. look @ Hebrews 11:13-14. i love that idea. i used to scrawl these words in the edges of my Bible whenever i came across this idea in Scripture: "heaven-bound". it's a reality that can quickly fade into a simple notion, which can then quickly fade into a distant memory, which can then slip out of conscious altogether in our over-stimulated, immediate-driven world. but it's a truth my soul must rehearse regularly...or my sin-prone heart will fall in love with this fallen world all too easily:

i am a pilgrim.

on sundays, i have the privilege of hearing the sermon twice (usually), and it helps me as i process. so these are just a few thoughts i typed through second service in an attempt to make it personal and applicable to me:

"this world is not my home, i'm just a-passin' through..."
i have a citizenship that is not of this world, it's a heavenly citizenship! and i'm on my way to glory!

Q: am I living like a pilgrim? or am I living like a settler?

am I in love with this world? do I long for the things of this world? am I holding onto "my stuff" like it's really mine? am I stewarding what Jehovah-Jireh, my Adonai, has entrusted to me?

my blessings to steward:
• His Word
• salvation
• carissa
• jolie
• food
• house
• time
• money
• van
• friends
• ministry
• teaching Gifts
• preaching Gifts
• leadership Gifts
• education
• technology

travel light and prepare God's gifts for His return, that we can give them back to Him for His glory!

seasons and schedules

2009-10-12T14:04:00.003-04:00

usually around this time of the year i pen some words in my journal (or type a few into the blogosphere) about the wonderful change in season we call, "fall". i love the fall! but i have to say...for some reason, this year it seems a lot colder than usual! and we've had a lot of dreary, rainy days. but still, the weather in autumn always inspires me to cozy up in doors with my coffee and buckle down to all the reading, studying and work i have to get done. i would venture to say that this is the season of the year in which i am most productive.

which reminds me... i had an epiphany the other night as i was lying in bed thinking of all the to-do's coming down the pike. you see, normally, i try to give myself a little light at the end of the tunnel...like, once i finish that, or once that's over with...then i'll have a lighter schedule. so it finally dawned on me: that never happens. i might as well accept it. this is life. life can be busy. and certain season in life will be busier than others. but life is busy.

now, some would tell me to just simply take it a day at a time. however, for me personally, taking this approach led me to a laize-fair, hakuna matata, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, procrastinating attitude about life. but nor do i want to swing to the opposite extreme and be constantly focused to the future that i'm missing the present.

so.

for me, i'm growing in my understanding of how God's wired me...and how i work best. (this is big for me) i must stay on top of my schedule. schedule out as best i can. prioritize. give myself ample time needed for accomplishing all that God has given me to do. and then...take it one step at a time. this allows me to say, "yes!" and "no!" to the right things, give myself to what matters most, be used where my gifts are most effective, finish what i've started, be a man of my word, and truly understand my priorities in life.

then i look at all the clutter on my desk and realize...this is a work in progress.

8 years later...He never changes!

2009-09-11T16:48:00.002-04:00

8 years ago today I watched my world change before my eyes, but the reality of my dependence on Almighty God is still the same today as it was that day the world trade center buildings went down. though it may have been more apparent on 9/11/01.

it seemed in a heartbeat that my optimistic dreams of a comfortable future were shattered by the explosion of that terrorist attack. like I was suddenly forced to grow up over night, but it was not the world I had expected. it was clear...things would never be the same. and it drove me to my knees to cry out to God, and filled me with a sense of reliance on Him.

and yet 8 years later I could have easily passed over the memorial of the event without giving it much thought.

reality has not changed.

i still need God! my sense of that reality my fade at times, but I hope I'm always drawn back to the truth. drawn into the loving arms of a sovereign God who is in absolute control. I love that about Him...

He will never change.

beginning to digest a "Jesus retreat"

2009-08-31T12:12:00.005-04:00

had one of the coolest experiences of my life this past weekend. took 2 students from our youth group to meet up with 5 other students from youth groups in indianapolis and brownsburg to just talk about Jesus.

see, we had this summer gospels challenge. the challenge was to read through a gospel per week, every week of the summer. that meant that you would read all 4 gospels 3 times each! and that was incredible!! awesome to get into the Word and see the Word Himself come to life!

but then we finished it off with a 24-hour retreat @ twin lakes camp to reflect further on all that we learned.

the bulk of the time was scheduled teaching or experiential worship sessions, such as a passover seder, a footwashing service, a sunrise worship service, an emmaus road session, and a sermon on the mount. but the best part was, as one student put it, "we just talked about Jesus all the time, even when the session was over and we could talk about anything we wanted..." that's not a direct quote, but it hit the main idea...

even when we had some down time and could talk about anything...we ended up talking about Jesus, and what we were learning in the gospels or questions that we had as we read! what an incredible experience!!!

shouldn't we talk about Jesus like that all the time? like it should just come naturally? like we WANT to talk about Him?

great reminder of spending time with my Savior and His redeemed...all centered around HIM!

on reading

2009-08-19T10:16:00.002-04:00

there are few concepts that i find as intriguing as the concept of reading.

i remember the days when my arms could barely spread the distance of an opened newspaper while i would pretend to consume the information as i saw grown adults do. then the success in completion of my first literary accomplishment, "tim can run", opened up a whole new world. it's a world that has captured my imagination, kept me up into the dark hours of the night in anticipation, frustrated me when i'm pressed with deadlines and due dates, bored me to tears, transported me around the globe and through the imaginations of others, impressed lessons upon me, and keeps bringing me back for more. it is ever growing, and my understanding of it's vastness is constantly surprised and overwhelmed: the world of reading...and the more you read the more you begin to understand how much there is to read!

standing among the towering shelves of an enormous library is exhilarating, staggering, comforting, depressing and inspiring all at the same time. i can't help but be overwhelmed at times with the amount of information, adventure and knowledge there is to consume. i can't tell you how many pages i've read in my lifetime, but even as the number climbs i still feel as though i've barely gotten started when i look out on an endless sea of books.

and then there's the online ocean of information that dwarfs the world's largest libraries. i am so thankful for filtering systems that allow me to streamline authors & topics that are of unique interest to me. otherwise i begin to feel lost in the sea without any flotation device to support and encourage me to keep swimming (or reading).

and so, as someone who has a unquenchable thirst for more but can't seem to read fast enough (and is also plagued with a short attention span), i find hope in the words of the 18th century writer and critic, samuel johnson, "a man ought to read just as inclination leads him; for what he reads as a task will do him little good." saw that in a blog this morning as i flipped through my morning's edition of google reader. he goes on to say, "what is read with delight is commonly retained, because pleasure always secures attention but the books which are consulted by occasional necessity, and perused with impatience, seldom leave any traces on the mind."

those are encouraging words to me, because i have to admit that i rarely actually complete an entire book. i'm afraid i would be diagnosed with what my mother-in-law calls "bright light syndrome"...i can't seem to stay focused on one thing with all the excitement of the other lights. so too it is as i start one author's work and see something of another interest only a few chapters in. in fact, it would probably be embarrassing to get an actual count of the books in which i could say i am currently "reading" (meaning i've read a few chapters and may one day return to read more...but don't count on it...).

if you can relate at all to my dilemma, then allow me to breathe some hope and freedom into your routine: it's ok if you don't finish that book. it's ok if you start reading something else. don't feel the pressure and obligation that a few OCD friends have burdened you with.

just keep reading.

the winds are blowing

2009-08-03T10:27:00.002-04:00

our whirlwind of a summer is coming to a close...can't believe it. we've had so much going on around here! i'm officially transitioned to a new position here at church (from student min. to worship/discipleship), we had 3 weddings in three weeks in massachusetts, pennsylvania, and northern indiana...spoke at twin lakes camp for a week and now we're finally home for awhile. i think...

i'm excited to get back into a bit of routine. and although schools start in just a week and a half around here, carissa and i have decided that summer is NOT over for us. we're still looking forward to a day trip to the pool/water park in lafayette and trying to enjoy a few days of front-porch living!

but the winds are blowing...and this morning i could feel it...it's coming!!!

one month from wednesday.

i can't wait!!! my buckeyes kick off a fresh season of college football...only the best season of the year!

movie review

2009-07-01T11:25:00.001-04:00

i'm a bachelor for the next week... :( but looking forward to glorifying God with my time.

here's a little movie review from the latest transformers movie:
http://becomeamanministries.blogspot.com/2009/07/forgive-our-generation.html

a waste of time!

my little girl is 1!

2009-06-29T15:06:00.003-04:00

jolie turned 1 yesterday.

i know i'm supposed to say "i can't believe it", but i truly can't believe it! the year has flown by, but i love this stage of life...she is constant entertainment for us! i wish it would slow down a little so i can savor the moments...guess i'll just have to be more purposeful!

i made the comment to carissa yesterday that we no longer just get to be mommy and daddy to this cute little baby...now we have to be parents! we've already come across her strong little will. and it's surprisingly strong!!

o God, give us Your strength and wisdom to raise her to know and love You! draw her close to You at an early age, and use her to do mighty things for Your kingdom!

the purpose of Scripture

2009-06-24T09:15:00.004-04:00

came across the incredible claims of Jesus in John 5. check out verse 39: "You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me..."

the Scriptures bear witness to Jesus.

now that thought may seem extremely elementary to some, but it hit me this morning. i love to study, and i love to read the Word of God...but through studying and reading i should be growing in my love for Jesus most of all. that's the point of reading and studying. to know and love Jesus.

not just to study the Bible for the sake of studying. or checking it off a to-do list. or for the purpose of feeling more spiritual because of the discipline.

no, i want to know Christ. and i want to love Him more today as i read the Scriptures that bear witness to Him and who He truly is.

June 21, 2009

2009-06-22T10:57:00.002-04:00

the day we dedicated our little girl, jolie, to the Lord!

what an incredible challenge we received from the Word on being dads who will bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. and what an incredible responsibility!

being a dad is one of the greatest joys of my life. it's also one of the scariest challenges i'll ever face.

but it's good to know that i have a Heavenly Father who is good. who cares. who gives strength.

protect my little girl, Father. work in her heart to bring her to salvation at an early age and draw her to yourself. use her in mighty ways for your honor and glory!

and thank you so much for her...

the possibility of a new adventure

2009-06-17T16:11:00.001-04:00

here's the beginning to a dream: Become a Man Ministries

who knows where God will take it!

a few scribbles and overnight french toast

2009-06-04T09:53:00.002-04:00

so i've just passed the quarter of a century mark in life. on monday i turned 25. i had an awesome day with my fam. we went to the free zoo in lafayette, took a kids' train ride, went to am. eagle for some new jeans (compliments of a gift card from my parents), and topped it off with a steak dinner at logan's with my girls!

but i must be getting older because i find myself appreciating the little things more than i used to.

as a kid, the zoo and the train would've been sweet! and in high school it would have made my day to get a pair of jeans that weren't from wal-mart. and then tuesday we took our youth group to king's island which used to be the trip i looked forward to all year!

so it's been a great week. but the best things this week were a couple small gifts that i would have brushed off as a kid.

monday morning carissa brought me overnight french toast in bed. she had thought about me the night before and knew what would bring a smile to my face in the morning. the french toast was amazing...but i love her.

then in all the presents there was a little card to "daddy" and on the inside were a few scribbles that jolie had managed to create (mostly by herself). no words. no pictures. but it was beautiful. i love her.

what a blessed man i am to have 2 wonderful girls in my life!

thank You, Lord!

measuring discipleship

2009-05-21T09:17:00.002-04:00

reacting to the statement: "The measure of a church discipleship effort is the number of new leaders in ministry in the church and community".

at least it's got me thinking. initially, this statement rubs me wrong. it seems to place a lot of value in the product and little in the process. theoretically, if the number of new leaders in ministry was the measure of success for your discipleship effort then it opens the door for the end justifying the means. and how do you measure those leaders? is it slapping a label on a new disciplee? like, congrats, you've arrived! you're a leader!

and what about those who will never become "leaders". i know the case can be made that we're all leaders in some capacity, but it seems like this is born out of our culture's obsession with inciting everyone into leadership (a tendency i'm afraid the Church has bought hook, line and sinker). (for a interesting perspective on this, check out joe stowell's followership)

but it still begs the question, how do you measure discipleship?

let's just say i'm in the disciple-making business (just the thought of referring to it as a business makes me queasy, but for the sake of the arguement...). how do i know that i'm being effective? how do i know if God is using me? how do i know if my "business" (ministry just sounds so much better) is successful?

and aren't we all in the disciple-making business whether we signed the paperwork or not? that's what Christ called us to in the great commission. His main command was to make disciples. the "go" was inferred...like, "as you're going". you're already going...and you've got a job to do while you're at it!

so how do we know if we're being effective at our job ("calling" sounds better in my conservative brain)?

won't the ultimate job review come at the end of this life when we hope to hear our Savior say, well done good and faithful servant?

so maybe a better question is, how do i make disciples?

and i totally get it that it's got to be God who causes the growth. we might plant the see, water, etc...but it is God who causes it to actually grow and flourish (1 Cor. 3:6).

maybe behind the labels and programs is a better understanding of what Christ meant. which leads to the more foundational question:

what is a disciple?

someone who looks, lives, acts, thinks, talks, breathes like Jesus.

oh man. ok, so maybe my "disciple effort" in the church shouldn't be focused on building people towards a position, but pushing them to the person of Christ.

still, how do you measure the effort?

thots?

God is good.

2009-05-19T09:23:00.002-04:00

so saturday night was our first trip to the ER with Jolie. anyone who knows my little red-head knows that she can't sit still for more than 3 seconds, so that afternoon we could tell something wasn't right. she was so lethargic and wanted to lay her head down and fall asleep. we were at a friends house that evening for dinner and just kept an eye on her, but by the time we got home we could tell she wasn't feeling any better and she was starting to feel very warm. temp said 102.5! woah!

she's never been sick before (other than a little runny nose a few months ago), so this was a shocker. we had the docter paged, who immediately told us to just take her to the ER because it had to be some kind of infection and it couldn't wait another day.

all of a sudden the emotions were running high and carissa and i had to fight back the panic.

while carissa was on the phone with her mom, i just sat there in the dim light of Jolie's room holding my baby girl. i felt helpless. her little body had some kind of infection that she couldn't fight off...and there was nothing i could do to help her. i remember asking the Lord to just let me take the pain and infection...i would gladly deal with it so my little girl didn't have to.

there was just so much that i can't express in words that i felt then.

i'm her dad. i'm her protector. and i couldn't do a thing...

but in that moment...this dad had a Father to turn to.

what comfort to know that i have a Heavenly Father who is in absolute control. He is a GOOD God. and He cares for me...and for my little girl. praise God! He is good...all the time! All the time...

so we were off to the doctor. but before we left, carissa held her and we prayed to our Heavenly Father who cares. He gives peace in the panic.

it ended up being an ear infection. and after the antibiotics she's on the mend and getting into everything again. thank You, Lord! and there will be more days of sickness ahead. we know. but this was a first for the hoenshell home...and it will always be another mile marker of the goodness of our God. we can trust in Him!

God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Different

2009-05-07T09:53:00.003-04:00

looking forward to preaching this sunday.

this has been one of those passages that's really challenged me. we're talking about the fruit of the spirit, and this week we're focusing on joy & peace. 2 things that are definitely gifts from God. but i've been realizing how often i miss out on these gifts because i respond to the difficulties and challenges in life like the rest of the world does.

but God's people are called to live differently. even if we face trials and tough circumstances we can have true joy because of Christ! He is in control and is a good God. so often we just get frustrated and angry at our circumstances or people in our lives and take it out on them. instead of exhibiting and sharing the joy and peace that comes from God we end up complaining and arguing...just like the rest of the world!

we're called to live differently so people will see the difference in our lives = CHRIST! but when we respond to the difficulties of life like everyone else we miss an opportunity to let our lives speak the wonderful difference that Jesus makes!

i'm ashamed at how often my response to something i don't like or just my attitude about it is so self-centered.

Father, help me die to myself today and put others first. Give me a self-sacrificing love for You that motivates me to respond differently when things don't go my way. Remind me of the joy i have IN YOU and the peace i have WITH YOU..the peace that will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:4-9).

in addition...

2009-04-21T16:05:00.003-04:00

just another thought to add to the discipleship discussion...

i've found doug fields' "habits" to be helpful in holistic discipleship:

Hang-time with God
Accountability
Bible Memorization
Involving yourself in the Church
Tithing, Giving, Service for God
Studying Scripture

interview on discipleship

2009-04-21T15:35:00.001-04:00

responded to a friend for an email interview on the topic of discipleship. thought these thoughts might be helpful.

1. what is a disciple?
easy answer is someone who is growing in their faith to become more like Jesus Christ. a disciple is a follower. i just heard dr. joe stowell, who used to be the president at moody, talking about the obsession in our culture to be developing leaders and there's all these workshops, books and conferences on leadership...but what we really need is to be developing followers of Christ...what he called, "followership". i like that! :)

2. what should a mature disciple look like?
i like what ephesians 4:12-14 talks about, that we are growing in unity and knowledge of the Son of God. a mature disciple has spent time with the One he is trying to emmulate so that he knows who He is, what He has done and what He is doing. and you spend time with Him in His Word!
also look at philippians 2:12 & 13. we are to "work out our salvation". that's the process of progressive sanctification. we are IN THE PROCESS OF GROWING TO BECOME LIKE JESUS! those 2 verses are cool because it says that we are to "work out" while God "works in" us. it's God's work of molding you to become like Christ. that's what romans 8:28 & 29 is all about. God is causing ALL things to work together for our good...and verse 29 says that our good is to "be comformed to the image of His Son".
i heard it said like this:
the Spirit of God uses the Word of God to change the Man of God into the Image of God.

3. What process(es) do you have in place for building persons into mature disciples?
let me answer it by going back to the ephesians 4 passage. verses 11 and 12 say that it's the job of the pastors/shepherds to be equipping the saints for the work of the ministry and building up the body into maturity.

our church does that by programming wholistically. we want everyone in our body to be IN PROCESS.
the process for becoming a mature disciple is one who is Worshiping Christ, Walking with Christ and Working for Christ!
we want everyone to worship together on sunday mornings. then we want everyone involved in our flock ministry so that they can experience fellowship and discipleship (growing in the knowledge of the Word and accountability). then we want everyone plugged into some kind of ministry and always reaching out in evangelism. those are our 5 purposes of the church: worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry and evangelism.
now, just because they're coming to one or all of those programs does NOT mean that they truly are worshiping, serving, etc...but that's the programed process we have in place to help FACILITATE discipleship.

but discipleship really happens one on one. life on life.
and we believe we have structured the programs of our church to best facilitate life on life for as many people as we can!
does that make sense?

for me personally, i meet with many of the guys in high school and at wabash. we'll meet to talk about life. and we'll always go to the Word of God to find answers and accountability for how we're supposed to live. really, i'm just meeting them along the road that they're traveling on (to become more like Christ) and i'm helping them along by showing them the truth of the Word and how it applies to their lives specifically. i almost always show them the process that God has designed for learning to "walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called" (eph. 4:1)...and that process is clearly stated in eph. 4:22-24. you "put off" the old self...be renewed in your mind...and "put on" the new self created to be like God. that's what we call the "put off/put on" principle.

i also am busy teaching the Word in youth group and in student leaders. which is basically the same thing...it's just not one-on-one and specific.

hope that answers the question.

4. what are your joys in discipleship?
i love watching young men fall in love with the Word of God. it's a joy for me to see them develop a hunger for God's Word and a desire to live it out. and i love hearing of young men who desire to serve the Lord for the rest of their lives!
and i like hangin' out at coffee shops! :)

5. what are your frustrations in discipleship?
guys that keep falling and eventually just kind of give up on the process. they miss out on the truth that if they are children of God then they are "dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus" (romans 6:11). i hate seeing an initial desire to change...but not a desire to dig into the word and persevere in doing good.

6. what advice would you give me in the area of discipling others?
read galatians 6:1-2. stay accountable yourself (ecclesiastes 4:9-12) and help a sister carry her burdens.
ephesians 4:15 - speak the truth in love.
phil 2:13 - remember that it's God work!

7. what do you think is the best example Jesus gives us in being a disciple?
a couple examples He gave...
1. a child - matthew 18:3,4...child like faith...they simply trust
2. the wise builder - matthew 7:24-27...he listens and obeys

His own example...
He grew (luke 2:52)...and His joy was obeying the Father (john 4:34)...and He gave us the ultimate example of servanthood and obedience (phil 2:3-11)

8. The book we are reading on discipleship says that we as christians are too fast and too programmed. What do you think about that statement in regards to discipleship?
i would tend to agree.
often in our culture we want what i would call "microwave christianity". where i can just pop in the microwave for 30 seconds and have it ready to enjoy. i want to just read God's Word once, have it change me and be done with the process of sanctification.
but growing and working out your salvation is a life long process simply because when Christ saved us from our sins, He saved us from the penalty of sin...and we are free from the power of sin...but until He comes again to take us home to be with Him for eternity, we still live in the presence of sin.

the most common analogy in Scripture for the Christian life is...the walk. it's not a sprint. it's a marathon...and we're called over and over again to walk in love, walk worthy, walk in God, walk in light...etc.

so we need to persevere and just keep walking!

another reminder

2009-04-14T10:16:00.003-04:00

post a new mile marker of God's amazing grace...we had 871 in attendance on Easter sunday and 9 indicated decisions for salvation!! praise Jesus! it was fun to look out into a sea of faces and see many that i didn't recognize at all!

it is good to recount the works of God.

it reminds us of His sovereignty and His goodness in our lives. remembering helps us to trust for the future. God has been good. God is good. God will always be good!

and He gets all the glory!!

conference left-overs

2009-04-10T09:13:00.003-04:00

yet again i've been convicted of my lack of faithfulness to the blogging realm. pastor terry appealed to me last weekend about the importance of journaling your experiences and thoughts @ a conference we held at our church.

we put on a conference for our college men called 'direction09'. it was designed to equip students to Biblically discern God's will for their lives. pastor terry spoke in the last main session on "following direction", and he used the example of the journal that he has kept for the past 10+ years. every time he has the opportunity to go back and read the journal entries he sees and remembers the amazing things that God has done. and it gave me a greater appreciation for the vital role that journaling plays in understanding how God's plan is unfolding in my life!

so here i am again.

my own little journaling book is a great place for my personal prayers to the Lord, but throwing out thoughts and experiences into the great expanse of the blogosphere may prove to be encouraging, insightful, and hopefully challenging to someone in need of a reminder of God's faithfulness in all circumstances. that no matter what we face we know God will be faithful to complete the work He has started in us (phil 1:6).

but God's will can be so tough to understand, can't it?!

i was challenged through james petty's book, "step by step", which deals with the theology of God's will. God has A plan for me. He does not have a plan B or plan C and so forth...because the first theological meaning of "the will of God" is just that: His sovereign plan (example found in Eph. 1:5 & James 4:15). and i can't mess that up!! He's not surprised by sin. He knows we will make mistakes. He's not caught off guard, like "woah! didn't see that one coming...guess i'll have to go with plan b..." NO! He has a sovereign plan that no one can mess up! which of course means that we CANNOT comprehend God's plan. because, for example, it includes both free will and sovereignty. good luck trying to understand that!

but it's encouraging because it means that i don't HAVE to understand His sovereign plan.

the other theological meaning to "the will of God", however, is what He has commanded. His commands! the easiest place to look for that is in 1 Thess. 4:1-3. His will/command is = my sanctification! becoming like Jesus!! and 2 Peter 1:3 says that He has given me EVERYTHING I need in order to live my life in a way that pleases Him! those commands are all over Scripture!

so in fact, every time i open up God's Word i'm seeing His will...as His sovereign plan unfolds and as He gives me specific commands in order for me to obey and glorify him with my life!

some things to muse on. and probably some great conversation starters.

i needed this conference as much as our college guys!

it happened to me

2008-12-15T10:43:00.003-05:00

this is the time of year when anyone who writes anything reminds us of the real reason for Christmas, whether it's nostalgia, family, the Christmas spirit, etc.

for believers they always send you a reminder to pause during all the bustle of the holiday season to ponder the entrance of our Lord into our world.

i'm ashamed to admit that i've read so many of these articles and letters that it seemed almost cliche to me.

until it happened to me.

i missed it last year.

and it's possible i would have missed it this year. if it hadn't been for a cheesy looking window-sticker nativity scene...

i love Christmas! i love the lights and music and carols. the eggnog. the classic movies. the glow around the town. the presents. the fake santa at the mall. the plans to spend time with family. the Christmas eve service. the parties. everything!

i can't wait to decorate the house with all the Christmas scenery and sit and stare at the lighted tree with my wife. but this year...we were at wal-mart when Carissa decided we needed to buy this cheesy window-sticker nativity scene.

i didn't argue with her. i couldn't. i don't think she really liked it either, but it was something in the way she said it. we need to put this up. just the way she said that i needed to put the cheesy ornament with the nativity scene near the top of our tree where everyone could see.

my beautiful wife gets it.

she loves all the Christmas bustle too. but that manger scene means so much to her. and even though we have a nice willow tree set...she just can't resist putting more of those scenes all over the house. like we need to be reminded of it or something...

it happened to me.

i took the time to stop. and think. and i'm so thankful i did. i'm so thankful for that little baby who was born in a barn. who came down to save me from my sin. that "tiny heart whose blood will save us, unto us is born!"

i might have missed it if it hadn't been for that cheesy window-sticker nativity scene.

musings on a standard

2008-10-02T09:19:00.004-04:00

i won't even bore you with all the time-sapping details that have crammed my daily schedule...so suffice it to say, my reading on "heaven" has been postponed. not indefinitely...it at least sits near the top of a growing pile of must-read material. but the immediacy of 2 other books somehow topped the priority rankings. it'll come...

but let me share with you a simple concept that's been impacting me. (you may have noticed that most impacting concepts that i've shared are really just simple truths pretty basic and elementary to following Jesus...i guess it just takes me a little while)

be holy.

be holy because I am holy.

i've thought about that statement God makes in 1 peter 1:16 in light of the standards that i usually place on myself. to be perfectly honest, i don't like that standard. the bar seems too high (obviously). it doesn't seem fair.

why not let the standard be set according to the playing field. i mean, this is kinda how it works in a lot of areas of life. the sports analogy comes to my mind first, seeing as this is the best season of the year (football...or fall as it is commonly known). when i wake up monday morning i look forward to checking in with my good buddies at ESPN for a fresh batch of college football rankings. well, usually i look forward to it. lately i've had to actually scroll down the page to find ohio state, which is a new experience for me. but what strikes me is that the standard for what makes the top 25 teams in the nation "the top 25" is the playing field. they measure everyone by the standard of everyone else. i noticed they don't measure college football teams by the same standard they use to rank NFL teams.

there's a concept for ya...

what if college, high school or even peewee football teams were suddenly judged and measured by the same standard and criteria that they judge the indianapolis colts or the cleveland browns? puts a difference perspective on a 12 year-old's undefeated season. that's not fair, is it?

that's about what i feel for God's standard of holiness.

couldn't You just analyze my performance based my playing field? isn't it enough to look around and see that i'm at least above average compared to the rest of the world around me. i mean, have You seen my friends? have You seen most people my age? wouldn't You say, God, that i've gone the extra mile? not only do i go to church, but i'm in Your Word daily, praying to You, using my gifts to serve YOU, loving other people, leading my family...

it's a pretty sorry mentality, i know. but don't we so often set our own measuring stick based on everyone else around us?

God commands us to be holy. to be different. His measuring stick is unattainable. and He knows that. He knows that we need Him...and we always will.

this realization should make us all the more thankful for the righteousness of Jesus. and for the truth that "His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness" (2 peter 1:3). so the bar is set high. higher than i can reach on my own. i've got a ways to go, but i'm strengthened by a perfect Savior.

the beginnings of 'heaven'

2008-09-09T08:58:00.003-04:00

another summer comes to its final days. nobody ever reacts with excitement with the death of the summer months. perhaps they're stay is too short here in the mid-west. the fall always seems to bring out mixed emotions.

but for me...fall is beautiful. perhaps my favorite of all the seasons. each has its own unique draw, but the colors, the crisp breeze, the smell of football in the air and memories of carving pumpkins and diving into piles of leaves makes the change of this season amazing!

maybe it's the mentality that comes with it. there's a sense of warmth i feel. i'm forced to reach deep into my drawers and pull out the old sweatshirts and bundle up again. i look forward to a cup of hot chocolate or warm tea at night. and i'm beginning to feel the hibernation of a long winter's nap approaching.

and have you ever noticed a renewed interest in curling up with a good book come fall?

when we plan curriculum around the church, we always know that book studies are better received at the beginning of a school year. there's a little excitement over the chance to study.

i love that.

this fall, i'm embarking on an adventure. randy alcorn's book, 'heaven' has been recommended to me a billion times, so i've decided to tackle it during my free time between work, diapers, watching my buckeyes and talking with my lovely bride.

it's already begun to awaken in me a suppressed interest in the eternal...and i've only read the first chapter!

i'll let you know what the season's adventure entails...

Jolie Alanna

2008-07-08T09:33:00.002-04:00

What a beauty
What a wonder

Protect her
Guard her heart

Love her
Be her perfect Father

My hands are clumsy
Lead me steadily

Teach her truth
Give her wisdom

Use her talents
Enrich her life

Thank you for her
Thank you for life

You are good
That's undeniable

sitting, waiting, wishing

2008-06-25T07:59:00.003-04:00

this month has been absolutely crazy! and now we're 2 days past our baby's due date. so here we sit. waiting and wishing for her to come soon...

i can't wait to hold her in my arms. i can't wait to look into her eyes. i can't wait to sing her name.

Lord, watch over my girls.

24

2008-06-05T08:58:00.002-04:00

this past sunday i turned 24. 24 years old. and ya know what i can't help but think about?

years from now as i think back to when i was 24, how ashamed will i be of how foolish and naive i was at that age? do i think too highly of myself? am i too enthralled with my own opinions and decisions? it just makes me think...i've got a long way to go.

i know it's a slightly pessimistic outlook. but if you remember that the longer you walk with the Lord the more wise you become...then it's only up from here!

so, Lord, help me to walk with you one day at a time.

God's not Grandma

2008-05-22T09:28:00.002-04:00

i figured i should blog about this since it's become a interesting thought that i've shared with more than a few friends recently. and it at least warrants some explanation upon first glance.

the thought occurred to me as we've been engaging in these spiritual disciplines at church. some of them are tough and challenging and require a little planning and thought. but the overall emphasis is on the relationship that we are pursuing. we are pursuing: God.

and so, randomly, i thought about my relationship with grandma. and then i asked friends about their relationships with grandma. and after a general consensus, i've concluded that most people love their grandma. i for one, LOVE my grandma. she is a wonderful woman of God and has been an example to her family of dedication and service. she's awesome. and she's my grandma. so i love her no matter what.

and i thought...ya know i love my grandma, but if i was honest, i'd have to admit that i really don't pursue my relationship with grandma very earnestly. i think about all the excuses for why i don't call to talk to her everyday: i'm really busy, she might be busy, if i call she may want to talk for a long time, if i call she may have something for me to do, i don't really have anything going on right now that she really needs to know about or that requires her help, and even if i don't call she'll still love me because she's my grandma...and nothing could change that.

then it occurred to me. what if i used those excuse for why i don't always "call" to talk to God? i'm busy. He's busy. He'll want to talk for a long time. He'll have something for me to do. i don't have much going on that He really has much to do with. and even if i don't spend time with Him, He'll always love me...because He's God...and that's what He does.

and the realization hits me: that relationship's going nowhere.

i want to passionately pursue my God. and i want to know Him. i want to be like Him. i want to continually spend time in His presence, constantly aware of my absolute dependence upon Him. i want to worship Him. i want to walk with Him...and talk with Him.

so i discipline myself.

not for man's praise or my daily-spiritual-checklist-of-to-do's...but for the sake of my relationship with the Almighty Creator.

and ya know what? He wants to spend time with me.

that's incredible.

so i better go call my grandma and tell her i love her. and go spend time with my Father in heaven.

a fortress in fearing

2008-05-14T08:58:00.002-04:00

read a cool proverb this morning: he who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge (prov. 14:26).

just thinking about my little girl lately. carissa and i watched "father of the bride" on monday, and it's amazing to think how little time we will have with jolie alanna. she hasn't even arrived yet and we're already worrying about when we'll put her in kindergarten, what books i want to read to her at bed-time, what interests will drive us crazy through her high school years, when i'll have to buy my first shot-gun to ward off the boys, who she'll end up marrying...i mean...wow! there's a lot to worry about! and if my life's flown by so fast...it's just scary to think about...

but then i read a proverb like this that gives me divine insight into the source of my security.

it's in the fear of the Lord.

my fortress is Him.

and by choosing to live in a conscious state of healthy fear in recognition of His holiness and character, He will also protect and secure my wonderful wife and little girl.

i can trust in the Lord.

i can't imagine not having that fortress to run back to. not having a real source of security.

our God is good. all the time.

after

2008-05-12T13:08:00.002-04:00

my time of solitude did not disappoint. solely because my God cannot disappoint.

it was amazing, to say the least! energizing. refreshing. refocusing. fulfilling. just...wonderful. because my God is wonderful!

as i sat in the quiet of the woods, listening to the gurgle of the gentle waterfall and the rustle of leaves in the trees as the wind and the occasional squirrel disturbed them, i communed with God. it was a holy place. because God was there with me. He reminded me of what He has done in my life over the last 15 years or so. He encouraged and strengthened me with His Words. He filled my heart with love...reminding me that my relationship with Him is my most valuable treasure and my dependence upon Him is of utmost importance. and He filled my lungs with song. and the song that had to burst of out of my mouth embodied all that He was impressing on me:

just give me Jesus!

before

2008-05-06T09:06:00.003-04:00

so this week our church is exploring the discipline of SOLITUDE.

love it! can't wait! this is the discipline i've been looking forward to the most. the challenge is to go spend 2 hours and 48 minutes all alone with God (that number generated by 1 minute for every hour of the week). already it's a challenge to look into the week's schedule and find a time to squeeze it in.

we've got some people fired up at us for this one. how could we ask so much out of people?! don't we know that our schedules are packed?! and we should be more considerate of the "stages of life" that people find themselves chained to! some people just can't do that!!

i personally can't wait to hear what people say AFTER they spend that amount of time alone with God!

ya know, our culture isn't very tolerant of silence. we're surrounded by noise all the time...often voluntarily. silence has become awkward. and you have to be doing something!

don't believe me?

next time you're in a crowded place with a bunch of strangers, just notice how many people whip out their cell phones. and i bet you half of them aren't really using them...they're just staring at the screens, averting their eyes from others, pushing random buttons to keep from feeling the awkwardness of standing their doing nothing. and you laugh...because you know you've done it! then there's the people who pretend to be talking on the cell phone...just so it looks like they're busy! (even more awkward when that phone starts ringing while they're "talking")

and there's this unspoken competition to see who can handle the busiest schedule and make it look like they've got life by the horns.

solitude is tough! so carving out a chunk of time that long to just spend alone with God??? no way!!!

i know i'm guilty of avoiding it.

i went to school in chicago...which presents it's own unique opposition to silence. but there were times when i would go into a closet in our dorm, shut the door and turn off the lights...then i would just sit there. and stay there. ... it usually took me about 30-45 minutes for my brain to finally grow weary of wandering...and then i would talk to God. that was some of the most focused time i ever spent with Him.

and you know what? i never once walked out of that closet and thought, wow, i can't believe i wasted that much time just sitting there talking to God. no, almost every time i can remember i walked out thinking, why don't i come back here more often?

so i'm going tonight.

carissa and i are heading to a state park about 20 miles away. and i'm going off into the woods to just spend 3 hours all alone with God.

i need it. i can feel it. and i have no idea what to expect...

can you hear me now?

2008-04-30T09:22:00.000-04:00

pursuing God through spiritual disciplines. that's the series we've started at church. it's amazing if you ask me. opens up all sorts of discussions about sanctification, legalism, growth, accountability. and it's just plain hard.

in his book, The Practice of Godliness, jerry bridges reevaluates the idea of spiritual disciplines which normally conjures up thoughts of perpetual actions carried out in the pursuit of higher spirituality. His definition of godliness is "devotion to God which results in a life that is pleasing to Him." That devotion, he suggests, is "a personal attitude toward God that results in actions that are pleasing to God." a simple yet concise synthesis of the goal of each believer's life: "whatever you do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Cor. 10:31).

so this next week we will be embarking on the adventure of solitude. and i honestly get pumped just thinking about it. i guess i'm one of those personalities that enjoys the presence of people but also looks forward to the confines of quiet peace. but we're not talking a simple retreat from people. we're talking a retreat from the hum-drum of life. which, in our case is difficult to do. just listen for a minute...do you hear signs of productivity and advancement in the distance? it only takes about 20 seconds for me to recognize the sounds of automotive engineering enabling the continuance of busy schedules. and i'm sitting her looking at a computer screen tempting me to re-review those sports scores from professional games that occurred hundreds of miles from here only hours ago. and there's always the threat of a rumble and jingle from the cell phone in my pocket interrupting my already noisy hour...life is loud.

but i want to get away. i want to get away to where verizon wireless can't hear me now. alone. but not alone.

for me...the best place is outside in God's creation. just waiting, watching, listening, smelling, experiencing...creation exalting God.

so i created a movie/slideshow for youth group that kind of takes us on a tour of our planet. and i begin to realize how amazing God's creation is.

and i can't wait to explore.

and to think we've got all eternity to "be still and know that I am God."

your world, interrupted

2008-04-24T08:52:00.002-04:00

life passes us by.

that's a well-worn thought in poetry and philosophy, and i often revert back to it in introspection. but it seems to fly by faster the older i get. i'm turning 24 in june (it feels old to me), and carissa and i are expecting our first baby girl to arrive within the same month. and sometimes i just stand back and think, wow...how did this happen? it's already been 6 years since i graduated from high school! life is fleeting.

but then something happens. and life gets interrupted.

it may be the loss of a loved one, the pain involved in the destruction of a family, a sudden life-threatening illness, or maybe even a catastrophic event that shapes the course of history. life is just flying by casually when suddenly our world is rocked and interrupted. just as it was when the news of the terrorist attacks on 9/11 registered in our minds. all the things that we were concerned with and looking forward to that day were suddenly put on hold. it was as if our whole world just stopped. and life would never be the same.

well, last week we experienced an event that was completed in less than a minute, and hardly classifies as catastrophic, but nonetheless woke me up to reality.

i was rudely awaken by my mattress shaking me and tossing me back and forth. i initially thought carissa must be having a hard time getting up to go the bathroom. apparently she was thinking the same of me. then in a daze it hit us...someone's in our room! so both of us sprang up to see who had snuck into our house to attack us in bed. but there was no one there. then we heard the rattle of dishes in the kitchen and realized that the entire house was shaking significantly.

no way...we're in indiana. we don't have earthquakes in indiana!

so when the shaking subsided, i leaped out of bed and rushed to the tv convinced that we had been bombed and i would turn on the news to see most of ohio blown off the map (hey, ohio's the "heart of it all").

well, needless to say, i survived my first earthquake. (and just so you know, i'm not crazy...the nurse at our doctor's office thought it was aliens...but yes, i've had to face a certain degree of ridicule for my initial assumptions)

but nothing was broken. and californians would laugh at the naivete and enthusiasm in which we hoosiers responded to such a minor occurrence. but it's indiana for crying out loud!! and i already admitted that the incident was hardly catastrophic, but carissa and i just laid in bed talking about it afterward.

ya know, we put so much effort into all our stuff. accumulating, enhancing, protecting. and we get so comfortable with life, but God is fully capable of rocking our world...even the very ground beneath us! God can interrupt our world whenever He wants.

and it reminded me of matt. 24:42-44, where Jesus tells us to "be ready" because we do not know when He's coming back. at any moment, God can put everything on hold and reveal the vanity in our lives by interrupting this world and changing history forever.

and i wonder, am i going to be interrupted? or am i going to be ready? will He find me diligently and passionately pursuing Him and awaiting His return, or will He find me chasing after the wind?

so be ready. because very soon our world will be interrupted.

dinner with murph

2008-04-16T09:03:00.002-04:00

front porch living! there's nothing like it. our little house on lincoln street is incredible...categorically included in the "abundance" column of our list of blessings from the Lord. one of our favorite features is the cement slab front porch desperately in need of paint that's furnished with wicker and deck furniture. we love the freedom of eating dinner outside in the cool breeze of spring's arrival. the comfortable neighborhood is peacefully inviting, and the neighbor kids and their trampoline add just the right touch for normality. so it's impossible to ignore the opportunity to enjoy the atmosphere, and it's a perfect excuse to grill out. that is...if i could keep my charcoal grill lit. last night we had to settle for the george forman. and although i'm fond of our fat-reducing-grilling-machine, it slightly spoils the concept. but not enough to keep us from enjoying the moment.

dinner on the front porch.

so we invited a neighbor. well...i guess, technically, our fat-reduced venison burgers did the inviting. it took all of three seconds for our neighbor murphey to smell the spread and come panting over to join us. he's a wonderful neighbor with big, sad, brown eyes who calmly saunters over from two houses away to make sure our unpacking is going well and politely waits to sample any sustenance we may be enjoying.

murphey is a rather old neighbor, although you wouldn't be able to tell from his golden hair. and i don't think i've ever seen him open his mouth except in food consumption. so he remains pleasant, patient and peaceful.

and last night we couldn't resist.

i'm sure there's something in etiquette against inviting oneself over for dinner, but murphey really did mind his manners. and it was over when he looked longingly into our eyes with a whimper. so we graciously dipped into the fruit bowl to offer him a taste of cantaloupe, grapes and bananas. but he took one sniff and ignored it.

typical.

it wasn't long before carissa convinced me that she couldn't possibly finish her entire burger by herself and was much better off sharing it anyway. so our friend murphey was welcomed onto our front porch to enjoy dinner with us.

and God taught me a lesson last night during dinner.

i couldn't help but think of murphey's ungrateful dismissal of what was offered to him. and i thought about all that God's provided for me. and to be honest...all i've been thinking about lately is what i can buy that will make our house and life more comfortable and enjoyable. that stupid charcoal grill needs replacing, the flower beds need some enhancement, the front porch light isn't exactly what we would have picked out, our picnic table is missing an umbrella, our tv is missing a cable hook-up (and currently, an MIA remote), the front pathway could use some new landscaped stones, and it would be awesome to have a hammock stretch between 2 of the trees outback...and...

then God reminds me that it's all abundance. i've been blessed with so much!! and there are some things that don't come with a price tag and will always remain invaluable. but these gifts and blessings aren't given for the purpose of inflaming an insatiable hunger for more. they are given to instill in me a deep-seated trust and reliance on Jehovah Jireh.

so i've been asking Him, Lord, teach me contentment.

all from a dinner with murph.

that city.

2008-04-11T09:22:00.003-04:00

God made the earth. and God made man. and ever since that time, since the instruction to be fruitful and multiply was heeded, man has gravitated to the city.

it's a staggering thought to try to imagine the beginning of a city. some man walking through a few rolling hills stabs a stake into the earth and claims his territory. soon others follow suite and surround this man's territory. soon more and more begin to live in the same vicinity. and they begin to rely upon one another for survival and profit from each others needs. using their skills to develop a community that can sustain even more inhabitants. until there are too many for them to be acquainted with everyone in the area. and there is a city.

it's like there's an inherent magnet within the body of man that pulls him closer to others.

no man is an island.

but there is something intriguing about a city. it can be altogether terrifying and exciting. it can coax or repulse a tourist. it can seem crazy and comfortable. you can stand lonely in a crowd, completely anonymous, or connect with an inviting community. there is something about a city...

and throughout history it can hardly be disproved that the events which mark the pages of the books and memories of our minds do not primarily occur within the cities of the world. it is the stage on which the acts of time are played and recalled.

the city.

it is inescapable. we look to the city.

and yet, we are looking for "the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God" (hebrews 11:10). "The city of the living God" (hebrews 12:22).

that's our journey's end.

"what no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him" (1 cor. 2:9).

and we look forward to that city.

a great example

2008-04-09T09:40:00.002-04:00

a little morning reading has intrigued me. the account of abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son isaac is familiar territory, but a sudden glimpse of his perspective leaves me dumbfounded by his motive.

the account is raw. it is barbaric. and it makes absolutely no sense to me.

if i could see through the eyes of abraham and reason with his perspective. if i were steeped in the unspoken values and expectations of that culture.

i wonder if children were sacrificed in the worship of gods during abraham's life. did he witness that perversion in the temples of the cities he passed through? and what was his assessment of that practice?

i wonder what abraham knew of noah. of enoch. of adam. of God.

he did have the benefit of seeing the faithfulness of God in his past, which would inspire a better certainty of hope and trust for the future. and he was certainly blessed with a personal relationship with God, but he was not privileged as we are with the end of the story. most of the record we enjoy of God's actions and interventions has yet to occur.

and yet he obeys a simple but devastating command. sacrifice your only son. whom you love.

i find nothing in it for abraham.

all of God's promises hinge on that boy. all the blessings were to be fulfilled through abraham's son isaac. he was to be the father of a mighty nation. and yet he could only see the beginning of that nation in the face of that boy. his only son. whom he loved. to sacrifice him would be to sacrifice all the promises. to kill him would be to kill hope. to lose him would be to lose his beloved. so i ask...what's in it for abraham?!

...unless the promises do not hinge on that boy at all. unless the linchpin for hope is really found in God Himself.

and abraham's act of obedience is an expression of deep reverence for "the Lord, the Everlasting God" (Gen 21:33). his motive is exposed and stands forever as an exemplary pillar in the great hall of faith.

i stand in the shadow amazed.

for the miles ahead

2008-04-04T19:46:00.003-04:00

we are passing a mile marker.

the time has come to leave our first apartment.

so many memories. so many emotions.

we are so excited to be moving on, and the little house just a few blocks away is a God-send. but we've loved our first apartment as a married couple. to be sure, it's come with struggles and imperfections. we'll be glad to avoid the noise and second-hand smoke from our downstairs neighbors. we're excited to actually have another bedroom for our little baby...and any guests who warm our home. it will be fun to have a yard and a porch to sit on.

but ya know...if these walls could talk...

we will forever remember and cherish these moments invested here in our first home. we will especially be inspired by the faithfulness and provisions of a good God. He is our Jehovah-Jirah. the Lord our Provider.

this mile marker will be a fond reminder of the goodness of God and His blessings. and with that reminder we turn to face the future with hope.

so for the miles ahead, i am profoundly thankful for this mile marker.

simple, not easy

2008-01-17T09:37:00.000-05:00

so christmas is over. the new year has rolled in. the change that 2008 promises has begun. and i'm finally able to sit for a few minutes and reflect a little on what's been going on.

it's been a fun new year for my wife and i so far. a new quest has begun. we're past our 1-year anniversary, and we're expecting the birth of our first baby in june (staggering and exciting thought). but the new quest isn't really something new...just something we've freshly committed to. it shames me to say this...but after a year of marriage i realized that i had never stepped up as a leader and lead us in consistent devotions. but now we have been enjoying the blessings of spending more time together in God's Word and on our knees (figuratively speaking...she's doing less bending over these days).

through this commitment, God has already been impressing on our hearts the simplicity of His call on our lives. that's right...it's SIMPLE! notice i didn't say easy...just simple.

He says, "obey Me".

we like to make it so complicated. trying to worry over and manipulate what we can't change (our circumstances)...and we lose sight of what we have a responsibility to change (our character). God is more concerned about my CHARACTER than He is about my CIRCUMSTANCES. and all He says to me is, "obey." that simple.

and He blesses obedience.

why do i make things so complicated? it's almost embarrassing to me that it feels like this realization of the simplicity of God's call on my life seems like such a water-shed event in my life right now. but it's helping me put things into perspective. just obey God. right now. in the little things. all the little choices i have to make right now...i can make choices to obey God.

then someday, after days and days of perseverance and consistent obedience, i want to hear those words, "well done, good and faithful servant."

God forbid...

2007-12-07T10:40:00.000-05:00

i'm not a big fan of their musical style, but there is a song that point of grace (or as my dad would say, "point of grease") sings that haunts my thoughts and has never left me. it floats back into my memory at times to remind me of Who i am dealing with...when i so flippantly handle my relationship with God Almighty.

God forbid that i find You so familiar that i think of You as less than who You are...

Our God is a God to be feared. reading the accounts given in the old testament make it pretty clear. but admittedly, my mind tends to run back to my giant "teddy-bear in the sky" image of the God that i worship.

God forbid...

now in a conversation like this, it would not be "evangelically correct" to end the discussion on this note (like you could ever end the discussion on God). it's best to run back to, but He's good and loving and kind and compassionate and forgiving... and am i ever thankful that He is!!! but when's the last time that i reflected on the wrath and holiness and awesomeness of God in a way that made me fall to my knees shaking?

God forbid that i would speak of You at all without a humble reverence in my heart...

snow glitters in the sun

2007-12-06T09:37:00.000-05:00

we have welcomed winter in indiana with our first snow of the season. the first snow is, at least for me, one of the most exciting times of the year. i absolutely love the change of the seasons, and each season fascinates me with such a different beauty. the spring resonates with life and the color green. the sun suddenly radiates warmth and water beckons you to jump in when summer arrives. fall brings the cool wind that rustles the leaves on the trees that explode with vibrant colors. and winter...wouldn't be winter without snow.

i love looking out my second-story window and enjoying the white blanket that covers the roof of the porch.

snow is a timeless metaphor.

i can't help thinking of that so-familiar psalm, "wash me, and i shall be whiter than snow...". i've spent a great deal of my life in psalm 51. a contrite sinner's prayer for pardon. how many times i've prayed that prayer! but the best part is:

He listens.

what a forgiving God we have! and i instantly hear the words of john newton echoing in my head, "although my memory's fading, i remember two things very clearly. i'm a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior."

then i look out the window again. i can't help but notice the glittering reflection of the sun as it bounces off the pure white snow. snow reflects light so well. and it glitters!

what a testimony to a watching world. forgiven sinners, washed white as snow, reflect the light of the Son. it's so beautiful!

what a great Savior!

all here when i am

2007-12-03T11:42:00.000-05:00

almost two months. wow, it's been a long time since i've sat down to formulate some thoughts and send them out into blog-world. a lot has happened. too much to try and relate here...but it's at a time like this (after a long neglect of journaling) that i have to stop and just ask, what's the biggest thing i've learned lately. have i grown at all?

see, for me, journaling or blogging or whatever is a way to reflect, meditate, analyze and spit my thoughts back out in a way that allows me to look back and remember circumstances and my response to them...and to life.

so without taking the time to suffer through the process...i just end up coasting.

have you ever been driving on the highway and you start to day-dream or think about something that's going on...and then all of a sudden you kinda wake up and realize...woah! where am i? i remember seeing signs for a mcdonalds and a ramada inn like a second ago...and now i'm in the middle of cornfields?!?!

that's a crazy feeling.

so to look back on the highway i've apparently just passed over with little thought or realization...it saddens me to think how much i've missed out on because i wouldn't take the time to reflect, think and spew out my response to what i'm experiencing. i've heard it said, wherever you are, be there.

lesson learned. (unfortunately, it will likely take multiple offenses for me to truly learn from this mistake)

don't coast.

life's too short. and i certainly don't want to be looking back on it all thinking, man, i wish i just woulda been all there when i was.

nostalgia

2007-10-10T15:14:00.000-04:00

i have a shoe-box.

it's original purpose was to serve as a "music file". although, if you ask Carissa, you'll know that "file" and "pile" are interchangeable in my life. so...this shoe-box now serves as a portable pile of music, embarrassing poems written years ago and just "stuff". ya know what i'm talking about?

well, this morning i was going through it looking for a song a friend of mine wrote a few years ago. and i came across memories. all sorts of moments in life. one was this paper. just some thoughts i wrote back in march of '05 (so not too long ago). thought it was interesting...(i usually think my thoughts are interesting). anyways...

"change"

time refuses to stall for memories. it merely adds to them continuously. mercilessly stock piling an arsenal against those of us foolish enough to seek to live by, understand and express our emotion. memories cloud our feelings, and the difference of the present adds a twinge of loss to what was beautiful. it is bitter-sweet. like coffee to a child. but the cream of life is worth the pain, flavored by experience and free to be forever remembered fondly.

but what is it worth? why do we remember? what does a single memory bring to the present for the sake of practicality? a milestone! yes, life is a journey. this marker serves as a reminder of the eternal. to look back reveals the unique touch of the Father as He reminds us once again of the faithful presence of His hand. our lives are held outside the realm of our control. to remember gives peace. to remember gives hope.

still, to remember stirs the heart. intrigued by the breadth of color in the puzzle, there are those of us who cannot fight the curiosity to experience and understand this emotional mystery. no, change does not come easily. we may allow tears of confusion to stream down our face as we stare into a memory to see it as it truly is. a rainbow of the Father's faithfulness. beautifully confusing, but giving hope for our future. not the expectation of an easy road, but the promise of His presence on it. worry is washed away. trust is our response, and the Father our guide. through every storm we have hope. "this too shall pass". it dissolves into memory. forever marking the presence of God.

no, change does not come easily.

-Jeffrey Hoenshell 3/9/05.

aspiration

2007-10-04T10:22:00.000-04:00

"oh! to be like Thee, oh! to be like Thee,
Blessed Redeemer, pure as Thou art;
come in Thy sweetness, come in Thy fullness;
stamp Thine own image deep on my heart."

this simple refrain drifted into my memory this morning as i read these words in 1 thessalonians 4:3, "for this is the will of God: your sanctification".

i get it. put aside the questions of "what", "when", and "where" for God's greater purpose in my life..."who" i am becoming. and as i think about it for a minute, i quietly begin singing...

"oh! to be like Thee!"

lulled to sleep with imitation peace

2007-10-03T11:18:00.000-04:00

what would it be like to wake up in a world that persecutes followers of Christ?

it's evasive to say that we already do based on hearsay of the persecuted church around the world, but it's clearly not an immediate reality for those of us living in the united states. (and thank God for our freedom!!) i certainly don't wake up facing that world every morning.

so are we living in peace? we hear about the struggle for survival, the torture, the all-out war against Christianity around the world, but it feels so far away. it's as if we're living on a fortified island with a fire storm swirling around a seemingly impenetrable bubble. persecution for americans at best resembles a distant and muffled bark but certainly no bite. it's just not the world we wake up to.

i find it interesting as i read accounts of fellow brothers (of whom i am increasingly honored to call brothers) who earnestly long for the physical presence of Christ. there hope in Christ far outweighs even my understanding of the word hope. they experience extreme physical ramifications of the spiritual warfare of which paul warns us repeatedly in his letters to the churches. those physical pains and dangers serve as a perpetual reminder that all will be made right when the King returns. the world they wake up to every morning wakes up their minds to the spiritual reality, and they find true peace in the person of Jesus Christ as they place their hope in Him.

has our "reality" here in the united states lulled us to sleep? i call it imitation peace: finding our peace in circumstances. it reminds me of the poppies that drugged dorothy and her companions in the wizard of oz. because our physical world senses no immediate threat we lose sight of reality.

that we are at war.

and we need the Prince of Peace.

i wonder what it will take for us to really long for Christ's return. to really hope in Him. recognizing that peace is not a place, peace is a Person.

the headless bride

2007-09-19T10:23:00.000-04:00

not a pretty picture.

perhaps it conjures up similar thoughts of ichabod crane, mystery and fear. or maybe it sounds like a headline for another twisted tim burton flick. or does it have potential for a disgusting trick-or-treat costume at big lots?

whatever thoughts are flying into your mind...i hope you're thinking, gross!

it's amazing to me how these images of freaky, bloody, vulgar death and mystery are associated with this time of year. it's not even october yet, but once walmart puts out the ghosts, pumpkins and candy bags the fall has officially started with a race to halloween. then we skip by thanksgiving on the way to christmas. i guess the idea of being thankful and spending time with family isn't quite as marketable.

but this is such a beautiful time of year! i love the change of seasons, but i have to admit, growing up in the midwest where the extremes of the surroundings are easily visible, fall is my favorite. and even though it's still september the harvest season is rapidly approaching. plummeting temperatures ignite the sudden explosion of colors on every tree, lawnmowers are exchanged for rakes, the smells of autumn inspire appetites for homemade goodies, footballs are flying through the wind, that wind rustles the leaves falling to the ground, those leaves are gathered into piles, those piles provide landing-pads for energetic children after school and headaches for dads after work, plans are made for time with family, and most importantly, starbucks delights us with their line of seasonal drinks. what's not to love about this time of year?

except maybe those gruesome vampires, skeletons and token r.i.p. stones that litter the neighbor's lawn.

so what's with the "headless bride"?

well, i've been reading in colossians and ephesians, and that's the picture i have stuck in my mind. a headless bride.

i know you're thinking, dude, that's not in the Bible. but check it out: colossians 2:16-23. especially verse 19.

paul seems to be painting a visual for us to better understand our relationship to Christ. i haven't quite gotten my mind around this whole idea...and somehow i get the feeling that it will always carry a hint of mystery while i'm still journeying here on earth...but it's a fascinating concept to wrestle with. paul keeps using the phrase, "in Him" or "in Christ". and then illustrates it with Christ being the head and we are the body. he also parallels these ideas in ephesians chapter 1 for further study.

what a colossal concept and phrase that we so easily skim over and attribute to christian terminology. we are in Christ! we are vitally connected to Him somehow. the body needs the head (which our neatly organized theology easily accepts), and yet you never see a head just bouncing around by itself either! now, i believe in a self-sufficient, holy God, but why does He give us this visual to explain our relationship with Himself? or the idea of the vine and the branches? or the bride and the bridegroom? are we supposed to ignore the further ramifications of these illustrations? is it taking it too far to examine the role the body plays in supporting the head? or the branches to the vine? and so on and so forth...

at least we hear paul warning us to watch out for those false teachers who are not connected to the head (aka Christ). the Church (catholic, universal with a capital C), Christ's bride and body, is vitally connected to Him.

so i guess it has the makings of a great horror film when we forget our connection to Him.

challenge on radio waves

2007-09-13T10:54:00.000-04:00

driving down a back-country road the other night, i caught the tail end of an alistair begg message on the radio. you know that token announcer with the deep, pleasant voice they always have? the music fades the preacher out and the m.c./announcer/radio-dude comes on and wraps up the program? generally, i turn it off or mentally tune out when he comes on, which i started to do once pastor begg was finished...but the m.c./announcer/radio-dude/whatever-you-call-'em asked a penetrating question that made me do a double-take. i hit the power button on the radio and repeated his question out loud to myself,

do i do what i do for the sake of the gospel, or do i do what i do for my own sake?

i still can't shake that question...

walk worthy

2007-09-06T11:10:00.000-04:00

i love the Word of God.

check this out: Colossians 1:9-12.

it's paul's prayer for the saints and faithful brethren in colosse. he continually prays for them and specifically asks that they will be filled with the knowledge of God's will. you know how many times i've prayed asking for God's will?!? but why does he ask for that?

for this purpose ("so that..."):

they will WALK WORTHY (v.10). simply that they will "please Him in all respects".

and how will they please God?

1. DO: bearing fruit in works (10)
2. KNOW: increasing in knowledge of God (10)
3. BE: strengthened for steadfastness and patience (11)
4. RESPOND: giving thanks for grace (12)

God's will is all about my character! i hope someone is praying that for me.

a midnight revelation

2007-08-14T11:01:00.000-04:00

i'm lying on my back in the darkness ignoring the urge to shift around for a comfortable position. my neck is gonna kill me in the morning! but that seems to be the least of my worries. my body is succumbing to sleep while my mind is still burning with questions about life. not the least of which is the question i've asked so many times before, "how in the world did we end up here?" (and here being crawfordsville, IN). i know it was a God-thing. it's just sometimes it gives me the mental chuckles.

that's when my wife rolled over and said those words. they were words you would almost expect to hear in a time of questioning, but they were deeply profound. and i was instantly struck with a satisfying realization of truth. the technical term here is "eureka!"

she said, "maybe you're not supposed to know how we ended up here. maybe that's just the way God's going to work with us. and He doesn't tell you what's next because you'd probably take matters into your own hands if you knew." then she reminded me that it seems like the times we have needed to make a decision and done something to resolve it, it never turns out the way we thought it was going to. in fact, it seems like we get to the end of our rope and then God just makes it happen. and we find ourselves looking back saying, "how did that happen?"

i guess i shouldn't be surprised anymore.

i gave my life to Christ. and i've asked Him to use me and place me where He wants me. so it's probably safe to assume that He will. and has.

but seriously...wow! God just works differently than me, which i realize is a good thing, but He just continues to amaze me. and i'm glad He's given me an incredible wife to help me keep perspective! (that was divine wisdom on His part...)